Electra’s dictionary noir JM chronicles/ thoughts in rewind

It is awhile; I don’t know how long, but it seems I fall into daydream, as though my brain yields the reins and gives up over to some higher conscious mind within. You can see the layers of time in the mountains…. when they cut into them to make the highways, the geological time lines, they exposed the secrets of the earth for all to view…. I watch this go past us as he drives…. They are all different colors, the layers, like sand art, but this is the earth’s past in fingerprint for some of us to get a glimpse of. 

Perhaps watching this hypnotized me, lulled me into another state which from mental weariness it was easy to fall into, but caught by the earthy beauty; a reminder of life…. And the seeming insignificance of …

Only now does it start to sink in; his words….only now do I see how possibly unkind I was but still—I am not quite there emotionally to let all of that through

“Do you know how long I have searched for you?”

Only now do I ….only now….watching the geological lines of time….speed by me….as Jörn drives, grinding his teeth ….his words only now reach me ….like objects that bounce in slow motion, his words ….start to take shape in my thoughts…. What would that mean

Really?

When we first headed out, leaving the property of that creepy home that belonged to my natural father, he had tossed out that incomprehensible question,

“What would you do with a thousand years?” and pausing to look at me as he pulled into the gas station to fuel for our journey to the Adirondaks from the Catskills —just as he opened the driver side door to get out— he looked at me with those Vampire, ice-blue eyes with their bolts of kryptonite and added to the question, “….or more?”arching a pale blonde brow he stared at me, beaming with those bolts into my soul

And now, only now, as I watch the blur of lines speed by I thought about this question

And I then —after a long reverie of thoughts over ….events-of-history …. I thought of him and —what has he seen?

Maybe it was exhaustion from the last few nights…. But I found myself suddenly swept over by what his words meant. The other words. 

….how long he has search

   ….for me