https://youtu.be/NtBwVWWa3Ss?si=o1GVpWMR4Y9NXc6n
kryptonite
06 June 2026
12 May 2026
Vampire ScandiNoir/Smorgas: en bättre mors dag imorgon
“So my question to you is—why all of this? Why now? Is it the biological timeline narrowing in or—I don’t know…. Out of nowhere you pop back in when things were—“
“—when things were—what? Going so well for you?” Jörn asks me with a kind of repressed scorn I don’t quite understand
I shake my head and squeeze shut my eyes to turn my thoughts inwards and away from his xrayeyes.
I think about what was my life like lately before …. before —yeah, before he waltzed back in again
“Think about that,” Jörn says
as I realize he assumes the conversation continues — with or without and vocals unnecessary
“To be honest, it was painful watching your life continually spin out —and don’t look at me thst way, duva—it wasn’t just me who couldn’t stand to watch, I told you about our meddling offspring who have usually been the impetus to force the hand—usually mine—and right under your nose and you never realized it,” he says all this in one breath
And I am the one left breathless
“Okayyyy…..” I say trying to pull out of that what I can
“Let’s see—there was the evangelist theologist when you were twenty, then the renegade boyfriend throughout your twenties, then there was ex husband one, ex husband two who was really the rebound of the artist best friend —sorry am I forgetting someone? Oh yes, Bran—you know I am not sure who has walked more all over you….why now? Because it’s too much ….we can’t watch you do this any longer—call it intervention —a rescue mission —but the dreams we’re catching up with you again —“
“Not true! I’ve not dreamed in months!”
“You don’t remember them—and do you know why—?”
But the neurons in my head seem to —at first scramble me—until they halt me and ….pause my train of thought.
I stop all thought. Just think. And some of what he said sinks in.
After a long moment I look at him. I raise my eyes to his. I don’t say anything. I just look at him.
Finally he says,
“you have no allies in that life, duva—this one, and …. No one but you holding down your own fort. Nobody defends you, no one is looking out for you, everyone just stabs you in the back including this life’s daughter—she’s your biggest traitor, they all were! And I can’t watch this as they all take advantage of your generosity and kindness as they use you—I mean, duva— if I really believed you were better off with all of us leaving you to your present life I would but none of us feel—even Andreas, and you know he is the diplomat of us—usually it’s Hanna ready to go in with twin guns firing but, do you know what this is? Even you have stopped defending yourself and you don’t even see it but—this I believe —no, I know, it’s because somewhere deep within you you cannot forgive yourself for —“
“—the curse,” I say because it does make sense
why I never felt I deserved …. happiness
I look at Jörn and search within the ice of kryptonite
“It’s always been that,” Jörn whispers this as I watch the shards of ice dissolve in streams down his face and like a projection his mental images filled my mind
If a picture can say a thousand words then whatever I saw within those shards’ depths seemed to clarify some of the elusive doubts behind Jörn’s motives. All doubts evaporated instantly
“Where are Andreas and Hanna? I’d really like to see them,” I whisper this getting up and walking towards the window
“They have been waiting ….for you to remember and —to hear you say this….”
10 May 2026
05 May 2026
Past Present Perfect/More smörgås family drama history/Electra’s scandi-noir; the man with the vampire eyes
Jörn asks, sitting next to me,
“tell me again what you remember of that night in the hut—with Ulf—how far does it end in your memories of Elan and the dreams?”
He puts his hand upon my arm and searches my face
I realize it has great importance and because my mind has been swimming back and forth over thoughts and details I keep spinning out when we get here
I shut my eyes and think. I think about the new details I have learned from Jörn and —I cannot deny how things he’s said seem to trigger …. a complete picture perfect memory. The sharp details of these that go with the sudden flash of a memory picture are made only more vital because of the emotions the image triggers. The sudden urge to burst into tears. So, I’ve been in no hurry to think long upon all these crashing revelations
Truth be told, I seem to be embracing complete denial that this is real. Or not. Which ever ejects me through the safety hatch door out
So —using that sense of detachment which, shock of events have altered me into, I go into the mental place where the memory is sharp ….
“It was cold—there was blood….I remember being chased—hiding from—that guy ….who was that guy?”
“Mama’s other brother….”
So…. I think, trying to put it all together; the blood feud—and he said Elsa is Lisa’s aunt. Was she Ulf’s or Ivar’s? Or maybe there was a sister ….?
It is hard to keep hold of the plot when it is happening right in front of you. Being played. And a pawn.
But I continue,
“there were heavy weapons around because ….” I look at Jörn suddenly. Because I remember something suddenly. I remember the ones he was working on still when —this happened. They were still lying across the table by the welding pit. This memory sends a chill. As a flashing memory goes across my thoughts recalling the decision to choose one of the ones he’d not finished yet so I would not wreck something he was ready to sell
“Thank you,” Jörn says to me
I look up at him,
“I thought you said it doesn’t work that way.”
“I lied,” he smiles that lascivious, sly grin
I shrug. So…. at least it saves time when I’m not in the mood to talk ….
“I….used it….didnt I?” I look at him now as I put more images together as they flood my thoughts …. “Oh my god ….”
Only it is too horrific to say aloud
Because there was more to the story of that day —maybe I never wanted to remember; and horrors that are too disturbing
But I remember ….as her—I stare at the sky from the window now, thinking of another sky and I say,
“it changed me….I believed it cursed me—it went against the faith I’d believed in ….” but I remember more than that. I understand more about what he said before. The blood feud that wasn’t mine to end. It must have been guilt over killing Ulf that caused the self sacrifice only there was more to it; I look up at Jörn now understanding why my memories of Elan never go past this but I say to Jörn,
“I remember coming back ….” I feel my face drain of blood as that light headed feeling hits me
I take a moment to think. The parallel lives. The lessons. The timelines. The repeated lessons that never got learned and return to haunt through incarnations
but Jörn never gets to die. To reincarnate
“That isn’t precisely right,” Jörn says —correcting my thinking ….
So?
“The shifters shift between life and death,” he says simply but just as sudden as that remark is offered, he quickly drops it, “what else do you remember ….?”
“You want me to say it aloud what I already know you know I remember ….?”
He raises his pale brows patiently and looks me in the eye.
“I believed I was cursed—“
“—because?”
“When I recovered back from the dead ….we lost our first born— it was miscarried ….”
“Do you understand why you choose not to remember?”
“Because I believed all our misfortune was ….” because now I start to remember other things of after ….and after ….and more still ….
I sigh and cover my face. I take deep breaths
Jörn whispers, reading my thoughts
“You remember Andreas as he was then, don’t you ….his first steps and Hanna’s—arguing over what to name her that time by the surprise of that herd of deer—“
“I fell in the river—“
“It was a pond,” Jörn laughs
It takes more moments for shocks to wash over as details seem to drown my thoughts but finally, after a deep breath, I ask,
“do they know?”
Jörn stares at me oddly before he replies,
“can you imagine anything ever getting by those two?”
I shake my head but I say,
“I mean—they don’t actually think—believe —I’m ….”
Jörn sighs,
“I was harder to convince than they were. They picked you out of a crowd before you even met them. They’ve known all along. And—I might add, have been constantly going behind my back snooping around —well, doing what kids do ….”
I laugh,
“Kids…. what are they, like 1,100 years old? And—how is that —like how do they….?”
Is this something to do with what he was referring to in “slowing my biological timeline”—because Elsa and Josef ….
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