Tonight I feel like Cathy having lost her soul and wandering blindly through the mists
it feels sometimes as if he has sucked out the whole soul of me ….not just an emotional vampire then ….he has become so much a part of me even with the interruptions of what tends to happen with us
I am exhausted ….I do not know where I end and he begins and I never noticed it happen; the integration was ….so subtle ….he wove into my worlds and into my thoughts
He says to me,
“How can I be emotionally dangerous to you when I have watched far worse with the way you’ve let Bran walk all over you!”
It was like he spat it at me.
It stunned me.
It made me think ….if he can infiltrate minds—but feel what they feel too …. How long has he been empath-ing me with his Dracula powers?
While it violates the very meaning of privacy—of the mind ….to know he has invaded mine for so long….how much of my secrets does he know….
Yet he stands there looking at me in that way ….like it isn’t me —but it is me….they are things that happened to me —I know their references and their impacts on my timeline
How does he know how Bran —?
….how dare he! ….how could he?
Only ….he has searched
centuries ….?
Searched centuries …. Only to find someone you’ve been looking for through lifetimes but —he never dies ….it is forever for him to wait but then to know it is fleeting anyway
What do you say ….how to amend …. how to insinuate yourself into a stranger’s life that ….you knew when she lived as someone else ….
I wonder it must be hard to watch me live my life and ….he could never come near me —to say who he is ….
so I think of this too only now once the rage is now spent out of me
But how do you lay this on a person who’s mortal and expect instant —instant what exactly ….what is his end game plan in this anyway ….somehow I don’t think there is one for him exactly
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