The clarity I value more than anything. I lost that for such a long time; I could not find my thoughts; I could not find my connection —to the whole of my consciousness.
I compare that to now. Waking up from that. After years. Of numbness. They forced prescriptions on me; four different psychiatric prescriptions. During that time— the years …. of sedation that are addictive —join us; they beckon….i lost everything whilst under their drugs; family; daughter; rights; sexual urges; passion; art; focus—I was a programmed value; their comfortable success story— neutered and numb; bloated and forgetting what me I meant to fight for
But Jörn ….has never faltered, has never let these things that trapped me cloud his value of me
How ungenerous I have been to him —I start to think….only no—I couldn’t fathom until now his ….steadfast and infinite loyalty
It is like waking from anesthesia —the dulling sedative of sleepwalking zombies which the world so often seems but —with him
All the years of searching and wishing to be seen…. how silly I have been; obtuse
Alas, there is that sense of reconcile —only for once in my life I find still…. the need not to put all my thoughts into words or ….even think….
because I find for now; right now— I prefer just being ….and feeling one with my whole Celf
No comments:
Post a Comment