It seems an agonizing long time like that while holding back the urge to heave, breathing in the diseased, putrid reek of unclean, animal filth, half gagging while tensely gripping every muscle in my body to keep from moving. Yet I am aware that I shake, now having seen the faces of the men that have been keeping me living like a hostage, no better than a rat in a rathole underground, and ....
forced to trust the hand against my mouth ....even as, had not the whisper given it away ....the subtle scent cutting through the filth reaches me ....of bergamot and cedar ....and under different circumstances I suspect that I would be more aware of certain details, but then, this is the only reason that I comply to his command and willingly let myself be pulled along backwards slowly, and in slow and excruciating measures, am pulled backward and quietly back up the slope I slipped down what seems like long moments before
And so it seems forever that, in this manner, progressing backward through wet ground, tangled branches and dead roots of broken tree trunks with the hand across my mouth and an arm across my abdomen, slowly I notice with relief, the reek subsiding in the distance. Still it is slow going backward in careful studied movements, as the sounds of voices seem to fade into the trees even as I clumsily misjudge a step and stumble in my confusion of where I step in this manner and almost crash forward down but then am pulled off my feet with a sudden impatient half coherent grunted, “attans!” in irritation, which had I not been sure, leaves me without doubt, even as there was never a question as soon as he was near
Yet, no sooner cleared of the muck and mud, slammed hard backward past the tunnel door that he catches with his booted foot to keep from making a sound, while still keeping a pinching and painful grip around my waist that keeps me from regaining my footing, once the door is secured shut inside the tunnel I am flung up against the wall
“What the fuck were you doing out there?!!” holding me at eye level up to him he stares at me enraged, holding me against the wall, kryptonite eyes blazing at me like ice cold heat
Only, I start to pass out and cannot answer him, I see black dots that start to take over my vision and he lets go putting me down on the stair case to sit on a step as it seems I have forgotten how the breathe, as I seem unable to catch my breath, shaking still and feel dizzy and sick, like I could vomit
“Breathe,” he says, sitting down next to me and pulls me to him, “like this,” he says, leaning his forehead against mine shows me and says, “in....” breathing in with me, “now out....” but it seems the shock of the moment stuns me. And his strange calm seems so out of place to me. But then, he must do this every day, I suddenly start to realize.... but then.... like that moment so long ago ....with the coffee cup.... I get the chill knowing —we have done this before, haven’t we....? in much the same way.... and still dizzy from what has happened I don’t really think so much as know, and know ....blind faith.... “breathe with me,” he says, “like this....” and just do what he says.... as if we have done this all before and look up at his face into the vampire eyes
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