Electra’s dictionary &/or Film Noir ‘dear diary….’

dear dictionary .....

It is when, by following the course of the map tunnel that I take the tunnel that leads out to the highway, hidden by a kind of grove of dense woods and according to the photo of how it looks on the outside, the sealed door I come to at the end is camouflaged by the shades of the forest in paint to blend with the background. And when I reach it, daylight filters through a narrow window, overshadowed by an old tree with draping thick branches, somewhat bare from winter. 

There is a staircase that leads upwards behind me that seems to lead up a hill to some other exit. 

As tempting as the daylight is to draw me out— as the desperation to be outside in nature drugs my mind I .... hesitate .... 

there is marked in red signs everywhere ....danger 

and just go to the staircase instead .... sit down on a step .... knowing out there lies vitamin D .... which there has been no source —and there lies the light, like a promise that beckons, as it ghostly illuminates from the window .... my skin has become just as ghostly; as pale as mashed potatoes .... 

but out there is so terrifying 

this cave .... these walls .... 

these walls to write on 

intelligent life ....? I’m losing all faith .... this cave, these walls ..... that I write on .... these walls I have raised .... maybe dare not be razed .... reaching for reason in an unreasonable world is to be a human among dinosaurs; how sad the effort to try seems a futile exertion ....reading about renegades in world news everywhere; things that won’t go away; psycho fraudulent x president, madness all over, shootings, global revolts, a virus that is somehow political and controversial, never mind deadly, genocide, fascist leaders everywhere.... to be human among dinosaurs .... the isolation is terrifying; these markings on caveman walls  

I want to leave

here.... 

but where do I go.... and who is there —who was there ever— that I could ever really trust .... just the Celf .... the celves; the selves within the self-made cell .... what I would give for just one clear sign .... these writings mark my wall

.... till later 

          ....Electra