Notes to a stranger Noir continues/never Rest the weary (e.d.jmmusechron)

....the madness of isolation and what it does to the mind 

What part of the intellect are emotions, I wonder? For without them entirely there could be no compassion for life or survival even to one’s self I think. Would there be no ambition even .... ?

What part of the intellect are emotions? 

are they there to guide us? —rule us? or temper us....

unless it is all such a great, big accident 

we imagine gods sitting up there watching and pushing us around like games of chess

we imagine an infinite king with the ultimate say and the final ruling of judgement .... with just one wicked enemy 

And this is what I think about as I stand there staring at those two dominating objects in the room presiding like king and queen. Until I become aware there is something behind me facing the regal audience that is against the contoured wall. In the shadows. As the only light comes from the one just above over the other two but in the distance falls the shadows of the diminished light where yet are other things 

I go over to look at what it is as I am still thinking about the meanings of emotions and what the absence of ....might render .... chaos or the clarity of impartiality .... but for what ultimate ....purpose

A keyboard

             —plugged into the electric outlet .... drawn .... I go over to it

sheets of music .... sheets of music? 

I look at them. By now I recognize the hand that writes these .... even the distracted scribbles of notes of sequence all in pencil .... some scribbled over, scribbled out and over the markings of dancing symbols the letters printed over them 

E G B D F

then crossed out 

then: 

            313c

printed in the margin followed by 

            7 r a    ....added in ink as if in a sudden rush

—with a question mark ....?

313c7ra 

I catch my breath and find I’m overcome because I read Jörn’s other notes; first:

313= ELE?

I feel a wave of dizziness and catch my breath ....

he writes in ink: 

“It’s a lockletter”

only now I notice there is a metal folding chair in the deeper shadow and grateful for it quickly move over to it to drag over and sit down .... but have to close my eyes not wishing to let the waves of dizziness overcome me

and when at last I know they have passed I force a calmness to look back at his hacker’s notes; he writes beside this, “think like a dyslexic....” 

3 (times chord played one hand ) then 1

Up a scale and again: 

3 (times again) 

Chord change:C 

(Four notes played by four fingers) —4

313c7ra 

but no it is not altogether quite right, because I know this.... I know this .... I look around at all the other things. There stacked up on the table that holds the keyboard are books of sheet music, all Beethoven and my heart suddenly begins to pound loudly in my head .... breathe .... lay my fingers on the keys and squeeze my eyes shut