out damn spot; out haunting

....I wash and I wash —

but it’s still under my skin.

I realize the thing I need I left outside. It was because I set it down when we looked for where the hose is outside —was it the bucket I need.... no

it was her game. And she was a bully. But what did they tell him?

Only it never comes off your skin. And then the spiders crawl in which is why it is so necessary to keep washing it out

“Oh shit!” because I realize I am outside and it is the middle of the night

I hear my name said from behind me

At first I can’t remember whose voice that is. I startle when I feel the water from the spout turned off

“What have you been doing?” this same voice asks me

It’s cold outside. I realize the bucket overflowed and that I am soaking wet

“Come into the light....” he says and pulls me to where the outdoor lights go on when you walk by them.

“What have you done?” he asks me

“What?” only now do I realize I’m dreaming because the tone of the man’s voice seems alien to my real life

But he says,
“we should put something on that right away.”

I look and notice I have been washing my skin with a pomace stone and at first I am more disappointed that the stains are still there than I am about the blood

“Why does it still show?” I ask because usually everyone understands your thoughts when you are dreaming

“Let’s go inside, I have something for that,” he tells me

 I wake up from the dream

“We should go inside,” he tells me

but I find I do not have the impetus to move


“Oh....” I sigh looking into the still pond

It is a moment where nothing is said.

But so much is said.



“Are you cold?” I ask him

He reaches for my arm,
“why don’t you help an old man inside?”

we start to walk but he stops for a minute

and whatever it is makes him scratch his head thoughtfully as he looks at me as if he is seeing me for the first time. But then he smiles and leads me back towards the house