My Vampire/the mindfuck

....and so, I wonder what life is about

   ....is it about memories we save somewhere in a soul’s database


   are they forever?


....and so I think of this later ....after the stress of facing the firing squad of a family

   

It was something in his face before ....

    I stared at him and saw an image lay

     overlay

   like his fingers the first time they lay across my hand

like the day in his kitchen with the coffee cup.... the first time I became conscious of

   the strangeness between us

it is a strangeness that is

    so familiar

I know things innately about him that I don’t know why I know— but I do. I know every crease of his face as if I put it all there myself.... I watch him at the piano, with his hair loose and mad.... he has such a wildness in him that is kept just tame beneath his surface

but his mouth on me.... it comes out in his passion.... like some monster gets unleashed when no one is around.... he is so different when it is only us.... the private den of his mind that he pulls me into. How with just his eyes he enters me; gets in my head and in my sex.... he does this

His bedroom is soundproof too. Still, he puts on his music.

It is that piece he wrote

the one we danced to.... that night....when he taught me how to waltz. It is like this with him. First he begins with the mindfuck; because he knows that is the only way into me,

the only way in


the only way inside the morass

but he is the only one who

is this way too.

He kisses me in this way.... with his mouth he fucks me,

I have never known anyone to kiss me this way. It is subtle but intense because he waits for me to.... he waits for me to....

well I should not say because.... it’s a secret between us.... but he is such a tease

so, I always get him back

I go to the penthouse later to see the disaster going on .... I sit by the window in the ruined dining room that are full length. Sit down on the soot of what’s become the floor and just watch that segmented snake outside

the long stream of lights of traffic.... how remote life sometimes is

to me

now

I don’t feel it the way I should. I see blood on my skin and don’t remember feeling any wound so.... I wonder about life as I look out the window there

The girl and the smeden ....

It seems I have always longed for him but I never could place where .... so what is the purpose we should meet now.... what purpose do we serve in each other’s lives.... something he needs from me? Something I need? Something that goes beyond life and time?