“There’s always been rumor I exist,” I shrug now after a deep breath.
Identity?
I get up and walk around the room….strange to be back here again ….back at the barn house in our old bedroom.
“You get used to hiding ….” I glance up at Jörn sideways to see if he is looking at me and he is
I turn my back a bit. Take a deep breath ….
“one day —I was a teenager in Holland ….it was this one day in Amsterdam. I stepped away from my family —the Calvestraat…. I got approached by an Italian fashion photographer —well known then, he gave me his card and said they were searching for a new face— he told me he could make me famous—that I had an itgirl face and that I would be the next face of Clinique ….” I laugh now
shrug
“It is just as well but ….of course it was forbidden!”
The card shredded up. I could never stand out. It was law. I am nobody. I don’t exist.
It is hard to always process the road blocks intentionally put in my may to destroy me ….it can make me crazy if I let myself really comprehend the masterminds involved
You learn to hide ….all the very things I desired were roadblocks against me. I didn’t understand as a young person. I blamed myself. I never knew what it was; why …. it was me; something cursed ….i just didn’t get it until the sessions with Dr. Rothschild ….
“No RADA for me,” I say laughing at myself
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