but do you understand? 

you see….I draw a line from the —projection of bastard—as from the electro-vibrational magnetic fields that people shoot at those with a mean and passionate energy—

when it is a film you are used to feeling like a slime all over your skin

 ….you start to make it work for you 

slimy and slithering and so you adapt, like Darwin said and start to realize quick that that loathsome, accusatory energy so directed is only feeding off their own secret and most hidden darkness within themself 

The day I laughed at the man I believed was my father —as he was belting me—I made a conscious decision that day; I decided to personify his own worst demon, because I could see it in his ugly, odious eyes

I was terrified. but I did it anyway. I decided that laughing was better than letting him see me cry and decided he never would again. So I laughed and laughed and laughed.

 I can turn off pain. he taught me how and I learned how people get afraid when they think you are fearless