Electra’s dictionary & film noir; the slip on the skirted issue (s)(direction)

 

And it is when I had doubled back to the kitchens 

And so I fell against the wall into a swoon and looked around as—somehow ….

   it was as if I was somewhere else entirely 

….like …. some other time —and I don’t know why ….like jumping off a lift while it is in motion 

I catch my breath …. 

time is only measured in this dimension 

did you know that? it is only because of the plain fact that in this dimension, beings expire because they are organic here 

It is important what we do with our time ….it’s not meant as a joyride and I know most don’t get that 

So I lean against the brick wall of the kitchens and notice a slip of paper on the floor folded in half. I pick it up. 

In her neat familiar handwriting I see my name written —it is a note to me from Ilya ….it must have fallen from the counter and was forgotten about ….so I read ….it seems she thought to give the note to her fiancé to send to me as she lost my private number; as I realize she had made plans to go away; that would have been interrupted by her suddenly going into labor. 

So….I read on—she was asking if I might hire someone temporarily to take care of the museum artifacts and tours as well as the upkeep of the penthouse but….

and then 

I think of another message that recently I have received ….I write about purpose, gender and identity ….and the struggles of ….painful familiar relationships 

in that flash when I felt the weird wind tunnel rush of time I ….had a kind of moment of total clarity ….of course I must be here as it is time to become fully myself 

“Are you all right?” 

I look up and see that Jörn has come back and see by how he looks at me how I am leaned up against the wall 

“Jörn….” I say and look up at him