I have known some soul sucking jobs. lately I don’t know who I am. or who I had to become. you don’t think about how much you will have to give up. but then…. I was not in a position to bargain. who I had to become. you know, I do know how to do what I have to do to survive. I know how to turn the mind off. how to exist like a machine. how not to feel. it is only that after time the exhaustion breaks you down and ….I think that is what I am coming out of—the ptsd is the term for—raw emotions that blast you with no warning ….and it is sheer white terror 

no you don’t count on the reengaging back to time and ….time has shown us a world we have become a stranger to as the world has become …. So.Strange.