~Each time I burn the dictionary it is always my true Agamemnon that recalls me .... from search engines from the Internet. He is the only one who has always had the power to remind me of who I really am and why I search my reflection for definition~
******************
Back at the rooftop
******************
I can’t breathe because something is pressing the air from my lungs until it hurts and startled awake, still unable to breathe, I hear Jörn’s shout and realize I’m still on the rooftop in the sauna. I hear footsteps running and watch Jörn chasing someone across the rooftop and run in the direction of this but lose sight of them
I reach the end where the building ledge has a kind of wall, and here is where I see Jörn sat on the ledge
“What are you doing!?” I ask in horror because it looks like he’s going to jump
but then I see the other figure who he had been chasing jump from one ledge to the next building! I hear a loud, shrill scream. It is awhile before I realize it came from me
I watch Jörn on the phone shouting at someone as we watch the person running
After he ends the call he throws his tuxedo jacket around me and as it still has his body heat it instantly warms
“Who was that?” I ask him
But now his phone rings. He answers and says,
“Jasper?” And then, “you got him?” he let’s out s deep breath and his Nordic eyes pierce me, “they have him in police custody.”
I feel my head and face drain as I ask,
“ohhh no— do I have to go down to make a statement now?”
He ends the call,
“no, we’re just saying he was trespassing and Jasper is acting as the eye witness. But evidently we need to step up the security of the penthouse.... as well as the entire building. Let me see you in the light—are you all right?”
No
Especially now that he mentions this
“Let’s go back to my place,” he says
Only I don’t want to face the Greek chorus of his family
“No! Please! I can’t face everyone right now— oh my God, Jörn—this is now twice in one day—do you want to go for your encores now?”
“What?”
“Go take your bows and encores?”
“What are you talking about?”
“How could you just act like everything is fine and expect me to waltz around pretending that it’s ok to have death threats?”
“What are you saying? Calm down, you’re hyperventilating—you have to try and breathe slowly —“
“No! How do I know you are not in on this?”
“Let’s go in, you’re shivering,” he tells me
“No, I don’t want to, Jörn!”
He leads me back to the sauna instead.
At first he says nothing and waits for me to start breathing normally and when I do he comes over to me and sits down beside me
“Do you really think I don’t care about your death threats? I just sprinted across the rooftop because I was after someone trying to kill you!”
“You yelled at me for the Loko,” I tell him
“I did not yell at you,” he corrects me
“You —well—I mean, you acted like I should be fine about what happened at the park and then you were pissed at me because I had one little drink.”
He laughs at me, and repeats
“one little drink.”
That is all he says about that.
So I look at him to read his eyes and at first they are filled with humor until it gives way to concern,
“it was only because we had the performance to go to; there was no time to do anything else—what? You are angry at me for not blowing off the performance after hours of preparing for it? You believe I’m an asshole because I am able to separate myself from emotions and behave professionally when I must?”
“Is that what you call it?” I ask
“What would you call it? Do you really not trust me all of a sudden? Or— is it something else?”
Finally I admit,
“I called Gerald before.... he told me you have been to see him several times....”
Here Jörn scratches his head nervously and looks away; I stare at the strange shadows cast on his face. He folds his arms across his chest and leans against the wall of the sauna and uses his foot to kick shut the sauna door as a sudden gust of rain showers in
He turns his head to study me
“Yes,” he says
He says this with the same gravity as one in confession
Only it is his eyes that stop me from whatever I may have continued to say. Or even think
Instead my frame of mind is derailed from those tracks by the haunted expression in his eyes
I can’t breathe because something is pressing the air from my lungs until it hurts and startled awake, still unable to breathe, I hear Jörn’s shout and realize I’m still on the rooftop in the sauna. I hear footsteps running and watch Jörn chasing someone across the rooftop and run in the direction of this but lose sight of them
I reach the end where the building ledge has a kind of wall, and here is where I see Jörn sat on the ledge
“What are you doing!?” I ask in horror because it looks like he’s going to jump
but then I see the other figure who he had been chasing jump from one ledge to the next building! I hear a loud, shrill scream. It is awhile before I realize it came from me
I watch Jörn on the phone shouting at someone as we watch the person running
After he ends the call he throws his tuxedo jacket around me and as it still has his body heat it instantly warms
“Who was that?” I ask him
But now his phone rings. He answers and says,
“Jasper?” And then, “you got him?” he let’s out s deep breath and his Nordic eyes pierce me, “they have him in police custody.”
I feel my head and face drain as I ask,
“ohhh no— do I have to go down to make a statement now?”
He ends the call,
“no, we’re just saying he was trespassing and Jasper is acting as the eye witness. But evidently we need to step up the security of the penthouse.... as well as the entire building. Let me see you in the light—are you all right?”
No
Especially now that he mentions this
“Let’s go back to my place,” he says
Only I don’t want to face the Greek chorus of his family
“No! Please! I can’t face everyone right now— oh my God, Jörn—this is now twice in one day—do you want to go for your encores now?”
“What?”
“Go take your bows and encores?”
“What are you talking about?”
“How could you just act like everything is fine and expect me to waltz around pretending that it’s ok to have death threats?”
“What are you saying? Calm down, you’re hyperventilating—you have to try and breathe slowly —“
“No! How do I know you are not in on this?”
“Let’s go in, you’re shivering,” he tells me
“No, I don’t want to, Jörn!”
He leads me back to the sauna instead.
At first he says nothing and waits for me to start breathing normally and when I do he comes over to me and sits down beside me
“Do you really think I don’t care about your death threats? I just sprinted across the rooftop because I was after someone trying to kill you!”
“You yelled at me for the Loko,” I tell him
“I did not yell at you,” he corrects me
“You —well—I mean, you acted like I should be fine about what happened at the park and then you were pissed at me because I had one little drink.”
He laughs at me, and repeats
“one little drink.”
That is all he says about that.
So I look at him to read his eyes and at first they are filled with humor until it gives way to concern,
“it was only because we had the performance to go to; there was no time to do anything else—what? You are angry at me for not blowing off the performance after hours of preparing for it? You believe I’m an asshole because I am able to separate myself from emotions and behave professionally when I must?”
“Is that what you call it?” I ask
“What would you call it? Do you really not trust me all of a sudden? Or— is it something else?”
Finally I admit,
“I called Gerald before.... he told me you have been to see him several times....”
Here Jörn scratches his head nervously and looks away; I stare at the strange shadows cast on his face. He folds his arms across his chest and leans against the wall of the sauna and uses his foot to kick shut the sauna door as a sudden gust of rain showers in
He turns his head to study me
“Yes,” he says
He says this with the same gravity as one in confession
Only it is his eyes that stop me from whatever I may have continued to say. Or even think
Instead my frame of mind is derailed from those tracks by the haunted expression in his eyes
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