Jörn; Beth entry Film Noir

Of course, I realize, it is madness to believe that I could outrun Jörn—but I don’t think, I just act and the impulse is purely fight or flight

Jörn easily overtakes me,
“where do you think you’re running to, min lilla duva?”

His eyes look like ice when I am stopped by his grip upon the shoulder of my coat as he turns me around; they blaze with a kind of electrical charge that seems to spark and for a second there I forget where we are; when we are

I am reminded of the eyes from ‘the dream’ ....the pirate on the boat from across the sea

I get a chill that stops me to stare into them. I am stood frozen by them on the spot. This is when he drops his hand from my shoulder and he tilts his head to one side to stare into my eyes.... and

I see the smeden there inside and this is what I trust

This unreasonable feeling. I just do

....somehow....

I don’t know why....I do.... somehow—I don’t know why

“Where are you running to?” he asks me now in repeat. His voice cracks into a tone changed to one that almost pleads as his ageless vampire eyes....implore

with unspoken words that I don’t yet comprehend but strangely.... believe

I see a veil lift from within the gray and he says as if reading me through my eyes,
“you think that you can’t trust me—“ but he stops himself from saying more

Yes and..... yet—I don’t know if that is really what I feel. Not fully

“What it makes me fear is that you will turn out to be another one who only .... came into my life with preconceived ulterior motives,” I tell him

“Like Nigel and Eliot....”

“Like everyone turns out to be.... “ I say this as I think about the last few years of my life and all the users who pretended friendship when they had other uses of me in mind, so I say,

“tell me now, Jörn, did you set all of this up? Everything that’s happened? Our meeting that day?”

“Are you serious?” he stares at me with a look of deep hurt, “Do you really not trust me, min lilla duva? All the dreams? The memories we —both—share....? Do you think all that stuff with Gerald was ‘bullshit’; part of some cover? Do you believe I have such vile scruples?”