today

On impulse, I joined a book club. I was having one of those mornings, and then I dared myself. 

The next four books on the list I already read, lol—it seemed like a sign to me. But still, it’s weird. I did go—they had a meeting this morning and I was up all night, I couldn’t sleep…. so much shit on my mind and —sick of people just letting me down

I was in the shower just thinking about other random things —on purpose to fucking escape this hideous thing we call ‘our current times’ (yuck/double yuck/yuck with extra pumpkin sauce and hold the tomatoes) and 

was it escape? Like running like the devil is chasing you

Use that psychotic Adrenalin to kick your ass into eternity 

Do the book club is the next block from me— do stupid, I took a few swigs of vodka and thought, yeah what the hell? Let’s talk about Edgar Casey

It was actually cool. I’m surprised. It was this big rug on the floor and and funny hippie wife in a Moomoo saying “welcome” with a lit candle 

I loved the mood effect and I was so wasted. Totally didn’t notice the people in particular. I loved the weird interior decor. I was totally mesmerized by the dream catchers everywhere on the walls 

They meet every week. They rotate where. I wonder about what their places will look like. I actually walked there—I’m so crazy, it’s below zero, right but I’m fortified and who is keeping track 

The coolest part was how eloquent everyone was. I just took notes. I write about everyone there. It’s a great way to separate when in social situations. But here the opposite occurred. Still, shrouded in vodka I thought, whatever; guy 1–a blur; “do you ascribe to reincarnation?” he asks me…. three of them do …. I must have switched to fith gear as I went off on a tangent about Many Lives Many Masters…. that’s when it got weird. He had some mind blowing stories and I forgot about what the fuck had me in such a melted down state 

For awhile anyway 

So the rest was a nice after glow of people saying things on the subject but by then, overstimulated I got up and called an uber 

Even though it’s just a few blocks away I realized the brain and spiritual energy it took out of me was taking its toll 

I was standing outside waiting for the ride and —what’s his name….im bad with names came out there as the uber arrived 

He seemed disappointed or maybe I imagine it, but I waved as I got into the car. He called out to come to the next meeting 

Whatever— maybe, but no I hate commitments