But at first, it seems, I can hardly react. And I suppose a part of me feels the rage at him, but he is clever to throw me off guard, using his element of surprise.
At first I just sit there at the table rather stunned. I did not expect to ever see him again….and stunned of words and thought, I can only stare at him ….
And a part of my observing mind absorbs every detail of him ….without realizing I do…. and part of my mind tells me I should be shouting in a rage at him ….but I don’t. Because I am too caught within the kryptonite; those haunting eyes, their power disarms me. He wears black, his shirt open and as always, neat as a pin; even his jeans look crisp and his Italian leather boots look polished to a high gloss. How dare he look that way? ….as I think of how I must look ….after—what? three days and washing in a sink with liquid hand soap. And I suppose it is this thought that ultimately triggers my anger
I shove back the chair and jump to my feet,
“you show up now??? How dare you?! You never came! I hate you!!! What are you doing here?”
“Listen to me—“ he starts to say
“Listen! Why? What excuse have you got? And anyway, now that you have the code what do you need me for?”
“För fan i helvete, the code! I went after you!—“ he starts to walk near me but I back away
“Yeah, I bet—then why was I there all alone with that monster! I hate you for leaving me there! Fuck you, Jörn! How could you have just left me there as you did?! How dare you! I hate you! How dare you stand there lying to me now —you went after me—? As if!”
“Djävlar! Duva!—listen to me! Just listen to me! —I did go after you! I couldn’t get through the double doors! I had to go around the other way! But by the time I reached the dungeon —the cage was empty!”
And for just a moment the tone in his voice and his expression stops me from shouting ….and I start to think.
“I thought they took you!” …. I hear something in his voice…. I don’t think I ever heard before…. and it somehow shocks me into silence. I just stare at him
But after a moment, I shake my head,
“I don’t believe you! You took the safe! I saw! And do you know what happened after being left with thst monster and then just left to rot?! I’m left to deal with your chaos! Smulligan and Stina cross examine me ‘where is Jörn, where is the safe? you’re lying, we know you are!’ like I know where you’ve gone and what you’ve done with the safe? ‘Oh we know you’re his fuck toy, so you better tell us what we need to know!’ And you just left me there to deal with it all! I was crazy to run out there to warn you about Retnuh, not realizing you were going to just leave me to deal with him too!! I don’t know why you’ve come back, I don’t think they’re done with you! And like I’m going to lie for you this time?”
he says,
“Just listen, duva—after you did that and he dragged you to the underground, how could I guess at that point what happened? —the entire surveillance system was shut down—that happens to be Deiter’s specialty, he has installed thousands of those, he knew where they’d be by the monitors …. Duva…. “ he keeps talking, and his words flow out in a babble, “I didn’t know what was happening …. I thought they took you. I went back through to the catacombs running up and down them, I didn’t see where he took you, Deiter was gone —and I couldn’t find you on your gps….”
“Oh,” I say as I think now, and look down at the floor, “so it doesn’t work if my phone is out of battery….”
“No, it doesn’t…. So when I caught sight of them —Deiter and Retnuh —by then they had already fled the underground, they were already in the woods and they were heading down the hill. It was hard to see them clearly from where I was, but I could see Deiter —and that he was dragging something…. I didn’t realize Retnuh was knocked out….from where I was, I could only get a glimpse and just could see the shapes of them in the distance —and ….all I could see was ….it just looked like they were dragging something. And I thought that —it was you ….they were dragging….” he pauses a moment before he continues,”I watched what happened later from the recording—but it was much later, Duva when I checked the footage…. I can access the security recordings by my phone, it’s a program I built myself so…. So—I saw what happened in the gym….” and as he tells me this, I look up at him and stare into his eyes. He says, “I saw…. right up until Deiter took a bullet to the cameras,” he attempts to walk closer to me but I back away and go behind the chair at the table as I think about what he says,
Jörn takes a second to breathe and then to let out a breath. And I feel his eyes on me, he continues, “but it was much later when I got to look at the recordings…. by then I was miles gone trying to track them on foot…. And only later…. much later ….I realized where you had gone. It was me who told Willem that’s where to look but I couldn’t send him a message right away because it would link Willem to my whereabouts and —our two favorite people ….would see on his phone if we’d made contact ….“
“Yeah, our two favorites, right up there with Punch and Judy,” I say, “so let me guess—you were on the run from them because you made off with the safe? And then left me to cover for you—and thanks for that!!! Now I look like your accomplice, they don’t believe me, you dropping in tonight won’t help matters, they already think I’m lying! Next I’ll be wanted by the FBI because of you!! Obviously they think I’m involved like I’m some kind of terrorist!”
He half laughs when I say this and now I look up at him
“You laugh?”
“They don’t think you’re a terrorist,” and he starts to smile as if it is a funny joke
“No? How do you know? You weren’t there getting the third degree! They think I’m some kind of lying terrorist!”
Now he does laugh,
“you, duva? You could never be mistaken for one.”
“Then why were they questioning me like we are some kind of Bonnie and Clyde?”
“They just think you’re—“
“Covering for you!” I raise my brows at him in accusation and when he doesn’t refute it and casually shrugs, I say, “and what am I going to be doing when they question me now? You think I will cover for you this time?”
“You won’t have to ….”
It is in his tone that he is up to something
“Why? What do you mean?” I ask him
“I can’t tell you now ….”
And only now it hits me,
“you told Willem to bring me here first, didn’t you? We could have driven straight to the safe house tonight….” I look at him and try to read him, “you wanted to reach me first for some reason…. and …. you don’t know where the safe house is….?”
He turns away and I would swear he hides a chuckle when he forces a cough. What is so funny? How can he laugh right now? I’m too angry to see any humor in this but then…. “then Willem….” but I stop as I think about things, “…. he knew you were ….here…. duhhh…. so he purposely didn’t come in….”
He walks over to me and tries to reach for me but I back away,
“you can’t stay angry at me forever,” he smiles
“I can! I don’t believe you, Jörn! You’re lying! I still think you meant to leave me under there! —you just want something—is the code not working?” I ask him backing away
But he’s smiling,
“what do you think I want, duva?” he asks as I am backed up until I hit the wall. He leans up against me
“You can’t fool me! I hate you for leaving me there!”
“You don’t hate me,” he smiles and puts his fingers through my hair and holds me to the wall with his fingers caught in my hair, “you could never hate me. And you’re right ….I do want something….”
I turn my face away when he moves to put his mouth on me,
“You want me to lie for you. No, it won’t work, Jörn,” I tell him
“That’s not what I want, you really can be so obtuse,”he says and grabs hold of my face with both hands, “you can’t resist me….” and covers my mouth with his ….and at first I do resist. But then forget why, and after a lingering moment, held up against the wall, with his mouth kissing me, he says into my ear,
“it’s too bad I can’t stay ….” and moves his mouth to my neck, “which is too bad….” and takes liberties pulling away the fabric of my shirt from my shoulder to put his mouth there, “but, unfortunately, there’s still something that needs to be done ….so, I’ll have to get back to you on this….”
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