Noir cave reflection/e.d.&muse

“Someone’s coming, we have to end the call,” Willem says and the call suddenly ends

and for awhile it seems I just sit there in the desk chair in some kind of stunned state of mind ....still holding the phone a long time later. still staring at nothing but thoughts inward. Alone, can at times, be a sentence but then, there is one advantage as it has often the benefit of removing  all the superfluous distractions that come with noise 

and at the moment, even if overwhelmed in chaotic thoughts, am aware there seems to be a bigger picture .... that I never saw with new factors I had not considered at all and blow my mind, what comes now as after shock of what Willem implied —my grandfather? 

And after quite awhile I do get up from the chair but it seems a task I force myself to do ....my world again seems to be crumbling.... these cave walls....

in a daze walk through the isles of the conveyor belts. The winding machinery, follow the curving isles that have now become familiar, to find some small corner to hide from spying eyes.... and again, not for the first time wonder —who is there to trust. Those rose colored glasses, blinders long peeled away and swapped by a sharp shooter’s optic lens

.... long past naïve, like some tarnished fairy tale 

My grandfather ...? Did he hire Willem ....? —to protect me from my father

and as I reflect am drawn back to the cage

I find my eyes are drawn to stare now at all the places where I last saw Jörn.... and can conjure him in my mind to see him standing there .... there—looking at the monitors, analyzing documents, pacing from the cage and back to the conveyor belts 

and as I search those empty spaces now I find it makes me sad

I go back to the under part of the stairs and consider my cardboard bed a moment as if to hide away from spying eyes

but then unlatch the hidden doorway and go back down slowly and let myself take it all in again now thoughtfully as I weigh it with the perspective of what Willem said

....it does explain what Jörn has been up to on all those long jogs 

and what seemed like hours of disappearing ....clearly he has been very busy.... I think as I stop to look at the golf cart thoughtfully ....

So it occurs to me to wonder if this must mean that the octopus arms all connect to the same center somehow? —secret doors? secret walls? secret stairs ....

I would suspect as this section of the limb would not really require a golf cart 

And now decide to understand the layout of what is here and walk around it now

It is all neatly laid out with a practical use of space, I discover, and find another doorway at the bend of grocery isles that leads to a small kitchen area for cooking and washing, with table and chairs. 

I had not noticed this before. 

And, locating tea bags, a cup and a kettle.... sit down with a cup of tea and .... reflecting, think of Jörn.... 

it seems ever since he has crossed my path I am being forced to look deeply at all my own truths.... and I wonder if it is maybe because he is the only one who has ever truly seen me