‘Willem’ I begin the email.... but then already stuck....
hmmm....
‘I’m not sure if you have lately been in contact with ....’
I stop—No. Delete .....but then I put it back....
‘I’m not sure if you have lately been in contact with’ ....
with....?
‘a mutual acquaintance’ ....I tell myself that I should think like spies think, and I remind myself who knows who might intercept the email
“but under current circumstances, well, I’m in an awkward situation and wonder if I might have the opportunity to get your impression of an extremely serious and pressing problem I’m having.
‘I would be so grateful to hear back by your earliest convenience ....’
and send it.There. Safe and no details ....
then cross my arms in front of me onto the desk and put my head down wondering how do I always end up in disastrous situations?
.... but then become aware Jörn might be looking at me. from his spy glass....
and think of ..... vampire eyes
sometimes teal, sometimes slate, but always kryptonite; I start to fall asleep in the chair staring at the floor to wait for Willem’s reply
but who knows when Willem will decide to read his emails? I don’t even know what time zone he might be in
so I make myself stand up from the desk to walk around, maybe I need to clear my head I think now, glancing up at the cameras as I pass them
and idly think about my chances of reaching the sauna from here, dreaming of the shower
and then get an image of myself here stuck in a secret underground in the middle of the mountainous wilderness with a guy in a ski mask and who would ever find me?
....so what are the chances he’s still there, I wonder? —50/50? (how long have I been down here— ?I’ve lost track ?)
....is it worth the risk....? But who am I kidding, not exactly good odds up against a man built like a bull dozer because, despite my roar, unfortunately, I’ve never appeared physically threatening as..... my best offense is to play possum; clearly, I need a body guard
And, judging by the monitors, I’m guessing there is two more feet of snow since I came down here through the shaft and before that there was already a lot— and based on what the weather report predicts there will be even more soon .... guessing ideas of going it on foot would be a bad choice as it has dipped well below zero (Fahrenheit) quite a lot all week and I don’t think my clogs would get me through the snow drifts
I leave the cage part wishing for some privacy from the omnipresent voyeur cameras but who knows where else he puts them
And go to the part that is below the staircase where there is an alcove made by the shape of the stairs above it.... i sit down below on the floor where I have made a kind of bed out of broken down cardboard boxes and it is also the warmest spot because a furnace is behind it so a nice spot for a nap as ....maybe then I would know what to do and think better if I did that
but instead of sleep my tired mind returns to thoughts of Jörn and then .... I think of that day at Lincoln Center —rushing to see him.... to watch him perform ....and find now.... I long for that moment back
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