Some unfinished business; Past and Present overlap

There is such a need to run away

but I have come to see

I’m running from something inside of me

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Quick notes from intermission:


Jörn says that I don’t expose enough of myself in my writing; that I hold back....maybe he thinks I am a coward....

my time away from Jörn I think about things he says, sometimes too bluntly but often things he says cut right to the crux with terrifying precision and so, therefore, hurt

sometimes it is too much so I have to run away but away

I have dreams of Raoul

   and dreams of [being] Elan

Gerald says it is unfinished business between soulmates who reincarnate —and meet again....  I don’t know what I think unless maybe Jörn does carry some guilt only I don’t understand what it means in connection to ....myself —or Elan, unless it is I am too obtuse, once again, to see the obvious

But the strange reoccurrence of these dreams seems to be more haunting when I am away from him

It becomes a kind of panic
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It is crowded when I get backstage by our usual spot and I think it is someone’s birthday

I consider hiding in some corner .....and texting Jörn

because I don’t like crowds .... and I’m not so good with people because I can’t fake smiles or make up mindless conversations —it gives me anxiety and so ....

 I start to search for the washrooms to hide but then I stumble and slam right into someone head first —and yes, very hard

I realize it is Jörn by his gutted exclamation of pain

He steadies me as our collision nearly sends me to the floor, taking me by the shoulders and extracting me from his abdomen, “I knew you’d come tonight.”

“All these people!” I say

He looks around us and then pulls me to come with him