27 July 2019

Electra’s dictionary as Film noir (JM muse chronicles continue); a dialogue of subjugation through sublimation of allegory as avoidance and existentialism & the reality of Angst in modern life




“I swear, if I see one more heart breaking, inhumane story, I’m going to hurl myself off the Brooklyn Bridge....” I replace the newspaper from the stand

“And what would that act serve humanity?” Jörn asks me as he reaches for the newspaper to read what has upset me

“I feel like my presence as a human  only makes me a part to the every day horrors of this rotten species....”

“Lisa really has put you in a bad mood.”

“Don’t patronize me, Jörn— idiots taking selfies with baby dolphins who die of being dragged from their home in the ocean, assholes who leave infant babies in their cars and forget about them so they die....! You know, that’s fucking evil shit,” I say to him venting my fury at him not for not being as upset even though neither news story is his fault, “why are we so privileged as a species if we are destroying the planet? Why is that ok? I don’t see people giving a damn; they’re too busy going shopping to deal with their unhappiness! Why is everyone so detached from any compassion for humanity?”

“You sound like your father,” Jörn says gently, “maybe you should reconsider that voice of yours that seems to have laryngitis.”

“Don’t fucking tease me!” I shout at him “stupid world leaders fucking tweeting their bullshit all day with their thumb up their ass— god, what a stupid society, I mean, a far cry from the Greeks— it’s just gone downhill since.... who was it that began this leap into the orgy mindset? Fucking Romans.....”

“Well, the Greeks weren’t exactly angels, Duva— they did poison Socrates for having his own mind!”

“Yeah, true....!”

He’s good at grounding me in my nonsense but still....

Only I am not done, it seems my father’s soap box was inadvertently bequeathed to me,
“Why should any of us really get concerned with the paranoia of the return of a Cold War mindset if the screaming propaganda is busy destroying the planet while insulating their own better interests; forget about tomorrow, just keep painting campaign promises and pulling the wool over a herd of mindless, lazy and self centered species.”

“Speaking of Cold War— Willem believes the code you may have buried could be triggered to the surface with hypnosis. Do you think Gerald might be willing to put you under? Is he skilled to do that?”

“Is this why we have come this way back from The Met....?” because Gerald lives just a few blocks from where we’re walking

“No, I just thought because of the heat it was a good idea and I thought we both needed time away from .... everybody.”

“You mean your family; your wife.... wow ten years separated?”

“It’s five for you and your husband; which, by the way, I’m starting to wonder if you have any future intention of finalizing things between you?”

“Are you and Lisa?”

“That’s different, we have kids—“

“Who are grown up and have jobs! Anyway....First of all: what is this code? Some nuclear bomb I could set off? I mean, what is so important about this piece of some old code?”

“It’s not about an old code. I cannot tell you more about this —not right now. And if I did you could trick yourself into burying it deeper.”

“How would you know that?”

“I’ve been in this business a long time, Duva.”

But our conversation is stopped short when he receives a text and he mumbles something as he reads it.

“Excuse me, I have to speak to my father a moment—“ he goes to make a call to his father and I don’t understand the context of their conversation. I hear ‘Kungar Hall’

Which suddenly reminds me of the recent music that has been keeping Jörn up at night.... much different than the other music and somehow more haunting and has been triggering a disturbance in my dreams

so I stop my raging thoughts to listen to his conversation .... his opera is almost completed but he has been struggling with something about it which seems to be getting in the way of the progress

He has told me he wants to perform it privately at the opera hall with his family to hear how it sounds this far played out with the acoustics of the hall to gain a perspective he seems is necessary but when I have asked him to let me hear the new parts, he looks at me so oddly.... almost with fear

And this alone disturbs me more

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