sometimes in life we fuck up; sometimes that one fuck up is all encompassing; people melt away or they throw acid but if you are lucky you find what really matters 

      

always center safe

well, so blows my mind how all the years melt away in such moments like these 

if I were to stand above they would all look like dozens of skyways crisscrossing in all directions 

I think of one of those —somewhere in the Bronx it was that I took the wrong exit —and—because the service light went on. Little red riding hood. Anyway. I blew off the job interview because after my life flashed before me I was in a weirdish mood 

it seems I get a lot of those moods

the memory of a thousand kids turning out for my nephew’s funeral—ides of March just four years ago 

it is like you can touch a memory —looking up at him when he’d told me his plan ….

and people turning up in my life from my past ….once I could run away but the phone is the actual ball and chain isn’t it 

only I think I orbit out there away from the planet on some other galaxy 

but perhaps 

The north east here 

Jörn …. Oh that man with those vampire eyes —tell me why —why do you allude me so?

tbc

 

signs

so out of here

Alas, I belong to me and that map, this legend 

I am everywhere at once 

& recall the way

stretch and reach …. the path lays out, if overgrown and untended ….it is still there 

and it still welcomes all our celves 

Continued ….

 

but then he says the strangest thing,

“this—was not about—that—has nothing to do with—“ and he inflects his hand in a gesture of ‘you and me’ 

but I don’t look as I start to stand up 

I keep my eyes steady on his face not letting my eyes once drift to his lying hand gestures 

“Nothing has changed between us,” he says

and still I don’t look there. and my eyes get blurry. but I keep my eyes on him even as the blur wells and overflows.down my face.I never even blink and the torture numbs my brain 

“that had nothing to do with—“ ….again the hand gesture

I don’t plan it.

It happens.

I slap his face.

I didn’t know I was going to

 it is a swift slap and hard 

And like a person trained for combat, he moves to slap me back ….I forget whether I get out of his way or he stops in time 

“What is this?!”

It is Elsa who walks in now 

she looks at me and then at Jörn. Then walks to me still staring at Jörn and helps me step away from the counter I have been leaning against from the after affects,

“come….” she says and louder with a tone of command at Jörn, “your father is waiting!” 

Betrayals noir

And as I slide down the wall again onto the kitchen floor by the counter 

“Why did you do it?” I look up at him still standing there by the window 

He starts to walk closer to me. Such a strange look in his eyes

I get the sick feeling; the dry heaves  ….and want to be sick, 

“It was spring when I sensed the shift in you…. and your betrayal.”

Like a knee jerk response he exclaims,

“my betrayal!?”

but I look quick at his eyes and I see. I see it there. But I already knew