Between the chapters; more

Terry is one of those science genius types and from the moment I met him I felt like I knew him —already….before? He had waved to me from the distance at first but —I maintained it instead and —I can be quite aloof; but one day he reversed as I was walking up the drive 

Mary was the same, actually, she ambushed me from the road and well, you know I tried to blend with the trees but, there were none around just then and she said,

“I’m impressed how diligently you walk every day….” 

well, there was a moment in my mind of suddenly being trapped in a Jane Austin novel ….two professional who bought the farm

and right at the end of the drive. In fact, they are like the actual gatekeepers as you cannot reach the grounds unless you pass their land and drive upon their drive/road; weirdly but it seems, that they seem to have a desire to adopt me !! which is overwhelmingly sweet. In fact, as I guess —his career in healthcare caused him to remark on my behalf to well —we won’t say ….so—no, perhaps a Dickens novel? Brontë? Anyone? more like Du Maurier, perhaps….so dare I say, breaking out in hives, they have a son who’s about 36 they want me to meet but what is fascinating more is that not only do they know Bard college and are (foolishly) impressed with me —hmm, well, there it is; but that I suspect they have a romantic concept of me seen from the lens of their professional worlds

She is a published author too. I have actually felt as if they may be my fairy god parents appointed by my heavenly angels

 ….she says,

“Oh you must do it!” 

as I blather about a lost dream to create this into …. what ….? a “work” on film

She studied with Lee Strasberg. She has connections with film production crew. Our interest and connections are rather uncanny —and again I have to wonder   

so he is the nerd and clever scientist and ….I suspect if they knew who my real father was they’d …. begin a campaign 

found Waldo

 too drunk to drive though 

page a day/today/chapters between the lines

 

and as I start to prepare to go, I get the strangest impression that nobody here wants me to go 

I have lived so many places ….seven—just in the last five years —joking the other day, what does Terry say to me—I’m Forest Gump!

I say laughing,

“oh you mean, because instead of running, I hike everywhere I go? Oregon, there she is, Michigan, Catskills, Adirondaks and —yo—there she is again in dumbfuckville!”

But “no,” he says, “you are this free spirit artist who doesn’t talk about it you do it—you live your life with all of your passion … like Forrest —and dharma across the continent, I’m envious of you, as a matter of fact,” he tells me 

“Blah blah ….”

at last I start to see —oh, there I am, in the rear-view ….I forgot she was there 

always the water

  

           

Chester Bridge in foreground 

   

the seat of a revolution;autumn beauty

but before I go….

               exploring historical towns of Maryland

And some actual ancestry ….
 

 

(written earlier)

I watch the sun rise through the morning fog as I write this ….what a journey it has been.what the fuck was it all for. for the last five years I have been running away. it is possible to get used to that hysteria. the gears ….spin and spin….so exhausted of it all. so done. with the hysteria.it’s done. no more. no more invasions. no more ass holes no more stab in the back friends….it’s time to crawl back to ….life 

***reflections of a Muse(updated)

foreshadow for a scene….

I know that I have said that I have come to realize that it is actually our proclivities which draw us towards our missions in life 

Those things the religious often requires us to repent 

those are the very things we are called upon to examine

our darkness ….

    because only through it 

    will we ever see the light

 within our darkest truths 

the crux of what defines us

is directly at the source of what we really need 

and who we really are 

the taboo of it would not be so fearful once it is understood why it is there

and does not necessarily require us to remove its power

because not all strong powers are fiercely bad; some strong powers are just fiercely a force to be reckoned with

to be reckoned with

I reckon

 ….and why not with pleasure? as experience is about experience— not only through pain do we grow; there is that fine line between pleasure and pain and I do think for some of us the fascination is the answer to an age old call that roots for release

but we must not forget that, we grow too

when we get to heal

….but there is a hidden riddle in this and yes, it has to do with healing and the soul

and so I then reckon, why must ‘to be reckoned with’ be…. something void of pleasure and serenity once —that is, it is —arrived at serene; only once slaked of the lovers grip; to arrive through experience cannot be an intellectual journey

~only after —in retrospect, do we have that as a memory~

***but some of those very powerful forces to be reckoned with— are actually just the other end of your own magnetic field ….finding its natural attraction, like that compass and —something about what is known as True North