Goodbye, Mark, my big bro

He was in my study hall class my first year of high school. It was a Wednesday, that first day of school and study hall was my first class in high school.

I picked the only vacant seat. I sat down to study the schedule that I had handed to me by the study hall teacher. It was confusing. There were four columns; ABCD. Four days to stand for the days of the week. Wednesday would always be the day they let the students out early so the faculty could having meetings and every class was shortened by fifteen minutes 

Wednesday the first day of school was an A day. Thursday would be B day this week and Friday C day, which meant that the following week would begin with D day. 

First hour A day study hall…. ground floor, room 104

Second hour….Earth Science room 303….third floor 

Third hour—French, room 103, first floor….fourth hour English Lit, 302, third floor….

“Where’s your locker? You look lost,” he said

I look up at the student to my right. Bright blue/green eyes and massive curly golden brown hair and unruly lashes 

“I’m Mark, by the way,” he said “you look like a ‘real’ person,” and we became instant best friends 

I believe in

 what we as the Celf creates, may be more real than anything else 

 There is an awareness that I am aware I have reached a level of evolvement this past week. 

And how it will shape how I write these following pages will begin a direction towards a somewhere else it feels

no delusions 

Now must I mark the page to mark the passing of my high school best friend, Mark, he was there at the formation, tot ziens, ik hou van je altijd

 and then there was Jörn 

I say I don’t want attention

then I say I want to be seen. do I contradict myself. a long time ago, a psychic had told me that one day I would be seen and appreciated for my true self, a transforming love. she said I would write something and that as the only way 

I didn’t believe in her nonsense but it haunted me 

Dictionary ….between lines

Yes I have known joy 

for Jörn I am grateful 

I am grateful for having known the joy of his absolute love and loyalty 

and to know that I do not walk alone and 

I never thought I could say this about anyone. It has been so long since I ….knew what it felt like —even if he is far away on a mission