“So my question to you is—why all of this? Why now? Is it the biological timeline narrowing in or—I don’t know…. Out of nowhere you pop back in when things were—“
“—when things were—what? Going so well for you?” Jörn asks me with a kind of repressed scorn I don’t quite understand
I shake my head and squeeze shut my eyes to turn my thoughts inwards and away from his xrayeyes.
I think about what was my life like lately before …. before —yeah, before he waltzed back in again
“Think about that,” Jörn says
as I realize he assumes the conversation continues — with or without and vocals unnecessary
“To be honest, it was painful watching your life continually spin out —and don’t look at me thst way, duva—it wasn’t just me who couldn’t stand to watch, I told you about our meddling offspring who have usually been the impetus to force the hand—usually mine—and right under your nose and you never realized it,” he says all this in one breath
And I am the one left breathless
“Okayyyy…..” I say trying to pull out of that what I can
“Let’s see—there was the evangelist theologist when you were twenty, then the renegade boyfriend throughout your twenties, then there was ex husband one, ex husband two who was really the rebound of the artist best friend —sorry am I forgetting someone? Oh yes, Bran—you know I am not sure who has walked more all over you….why now? Because it’s too much ….we can’t watch you do this any longer—call it intervention —a rescue mission —but the dreams we’re catching up with you again —“
“Not true! I’ve not dreamed in months!”
“You don’t remember them—and do you know why—?”
But the neurons in my head seem to —at first scramble me—until they halt me and ….pause my train of thought.
I stop all thought. Just think. And some of what he said sinks in.
After a long moment I look at him. I raise my eyes to his. I don’t say anything. I just look at him.
Finally he says,
“you have no allies in that life, duva—this one, and …. No one but you holding down your own fort. Nobody defends you, no one is looking out for you, everyone just stabs you in the back including this life’s daughter—she’s your biggest traitor, they all were! And I can’t watch this as they all take advantage of your generosity and kindness as they use you—I mean, duva— if I really believed you were better off with all of us leaving you to your present life I would but none of us feel—even Andreas, and you know he is the diplomat of us—usually it’s Hanna ready to go in with twin guns firing but, do you know what this is? Even you have stopped defending yourself and you don’t even see it but—this I believe —no, I know, it’s because somewhere deep within you you cannot forgive yourself for —“
“—the curse,” I say because it does make sense
why I never felt I deserved …. happiness
I look at Jörn and search within the ice of kryptonite
“It’s always been that,” Jörn whispers this as I watch the shards of ice dissolve in streams down his face and like a projection his mental images filled my mind
If a picture can say a thousand words then whatever I saw within those shards’ depths seemed to clarify some of the elusive doubts behind Jörn’s motives. All doubts evaporated instantly
“Where are Andreas and Hanna? I’d really like to see them,” I whisper this getting up and walking towards the window
“They have been waiting ….for you to remember and —to hear you say this….”
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