Have you ever had one of those epiphanies where ….it feels as if the center of reality entirely collapses? Like those toys where you just turn one notch and the apparatus is fully disjointed.
I had one of those—just now as I was working another writing
but it seems so important to note—it feels this is within the center; the crux of the Celf —
Why I do not fit with my generation in society— they were from parents that they emulated who were all about Lies, Cover ups, superficiality and putting on an act: look like everyone else, say the expected, say I’m sorry even if it wasn’t your fault and accept their guilt as yours with a grateful smile
grateful
It is so simple.
I was a coverup.
this is why
….i cannot breathe
when i am forced to be among them—it is like have a giant eraser ….rub out your very existence
those thoughts which started so so so long ago
do I exist ….do I exist …. do I exist …. why does it feel …. so sad inside where nobody knows I exist
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