Purpose again

Left early. I had to get out of there 

They call “Coffee Catch up time with the gals” — but there is never any coffee and there are no ‘gals’ there but me and the maid cleaner girl. Instead of coffee it is more like happy hour cocktail time; wheeling dealing and Alphonso showing the latest messages he has received from Davi (Alphonso is Davi’s ‘assistant’ or—no one is sure what Alphonso does actually but—it was he who asked me to show up today….why….? )

Davi returns next week at some mysterious soon to be disclosed time, but I feel a century has passed since he left and I am not sure how to get clear of ….some contract as this isn’t really my gig —what is it? 

Anyway 

 I had considered not going. It has been so good to get back to myself and ….ive been in a weird mood.life.purpose.meaning.often I do things that go against my ethics when I am angry at myself; like I rationalize the bullshit but either way it is anger 

They do this thing in Davi’s world—they make you hand over your phone 

Why? I think it is power. At first I had thought it was because I was being driven to his personal property and I thought maybe they just don’t want any information of their headquarters getting out? I didn’t want to question it

Wealthy people don’t make sense. They are crazy with how they got their money and it makes them insane. They make everyone else around them insane 

I feel like it’s a boring merry go round ride but with an embarrassment of excess of riches. It makes me feel surreal. I feel uncomfortable. Why am I there? 

So you hand over your phone and it’s like this feeling like, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. But it is also intimidation. It is control. How do I call for help, how do I get back, where am I ….snd all the vultures have moved in with Davi away. The heir to the cranberry empire has made his move on me. But it isn’t me. It isn’t me at all. It is only the Barbie doll they want to dress up; it is one thing to exploit oneself but another to be yet another’s more weirder interpretation of their object needs.How boring to listen to him wine and say, “I should just lay back and live off my family’s old money, sell my football team….” (Like these are his worst worries, I’m sewing up socks all winter, can I ever go back to that world again?)I mean, this is sadly very unexciting when I’d rather be staring at a Rossetti, studying as long as I can the color usage until it made me faint 

What will I decide to go was what Alphonso wanted to feel out and so I just left walking right up to ‘Bruno’ yes, that’s what he goes by, and asked for my phone and could he Zelle me money to uber back ….

I can’t waste any more time letting others take up and waste my time ….i need more out of life, I think it is at the point with them, I’m bored; I want to call the shots and if they don’t like it —? I honestly don’t actually care