For the purpose of honest self and Celf documentation for the love letter I leave behind, I want to be frank and say it clearly; I do believe the man my mother was married to wanted me dead and there were more than one attempts.
Why I say this? It is because I know it is best to pretend here in virtual world —so I have been skirting the issue while insisting that it may still be fiction; as it may or may not be or —that it’s just a good spy story. But the bottom line and main point really is: I truly know this went deep with him.
And who could blame him? If we objectively step away and watch like it’s a Netflix family drama, it’s very cut and dry.
That he hated me; he had motive. Why he hated me; was motive.
First to examine. How could a man whip his own four-five-six-seven-eight-nine year old daughter to an inch of her life ….?unless there was a burning rage and I hardly believe such rage would be aimed at his own spawn if he adored the other. It just does not add up. To not worry at all he might break the neck of the little girl that was supposedly his daughter. And then you see how well he showers the other with affection and praise
Another thing was that I kept going to the school’s infirmary. The school nurse. It seemed that when I was about three —and I remember this trauma well clearly to this day —I was in the passenger seat beside my ‘father’ and just wrapped in a blanket. I don’t know why he was driving me somewhere but we only got to the end of the street—he was yelling at me and the radio was blasting and suddenly—he came short to the stop sign at the end of our street in Miami. The sharp stop caused me to roll and hit the radio. He had to take me to the hospital —I remember the neighbors came; Anamaria’s parent who lived on the corner —and they alerted the family — it caused a huge welt and they said it was a concussion. For years I was traumatized by the radio in the car being on and could not bear it.
But it begs the question. And it seems clear.
As a child growing up, I was uncomfortable when he was home. I tried to always hide from him. But he singled me out and found reasons to come after me, and no help from my sibling for an ally; she only egged him on with elaborating stories of mischief and to dissect this with a magnifying glass it seems an easy leap to imagine the germination of hate that could have built watching a child like an imposter in your life that you financially support to add to the insult of being “cockled” as I heard him say myself many many times in my presence —and point to me. It seems reasonable to assume this was years of a building sickness in him. He also, it’s interesting to note too —worked for intelligence after the Korean War
Why did they stay in a poisonous marriage? The times were different. And she, for all intents and purposes, was a “trophy wife”. She was drop dead movie star gorgeous, and I’m not being biased. He stayed in the marriage because he knew he would never get another woman like her. And he was an Ad Man. Who you showed up with on your arm at conventions carried weight on Madison Avenue. She gave him the impression he needed; she had style and she knew how to throw a great cocktail party.
That’s how it worked, so we can view this with a Madmen lens.
Objectively it is reasonable….
how someone like him could even become a spy; a double agent even—a triple. If he wanted revenge for having to pretend to be a father to a political figure’s bastard and also have to pay for their education, there is motive why he would have bugged the house phones to take the other man down.
what too, of that mystery virus I caught that stumped the Dutch lab technicians? The one that made my arm go paralyzed for six months after an eight hour session of nerve pain. Nerve pain. My nerves were permanently damaged by this mystery virus. They even sent the tests to Switzerland for more research. It remained a mystery as it seemed to come out of the East and this was all around the Barcelona trip and when I first met Willem at the Dugout in Wassenaar. The assault was only two years later and he had the perfect hit man already lined up at the school thanks to his inside information
I like to be clear in my dictionary why I reach conclusions the way I have.
And pull back with our objective and many different Quintin angles and takes to examine pivotal scenes from many lenses
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