to explain in defense of why I say I think I “need” to. for basic practical reasons. realizing most of my problems the last several years were about being stalked or invaded or harassed, pragmatically speaking dearests ….had I a man, these would not have been problems

I’d have gotten more done. I need a bodyguard. Even if only in name. It would free up so much of my time to just paint or write or whatever 

and for me, I know now, this really should not be difficult to find if I make it an exercise; approach it with exactly what I want the outcome to be