notes

 I don’t know; I suppose I find myself disturbed. As I look at life, whilst doing my research …. I am researching all the impactful writers, thinkers, artists, and philosophers of a wide span of eras …. perhaps I too look to this work I have decided to spend my creative time on as it goes with my interest in understanding meaning ….

purpose ….ive been so engrossed in this research that I am even dreaming g in it now —I guess I go all the way when I do what I do …. you know it was like that for me in theatre…. I was so into my character —on stage I forgot to be shy and it was magic to become another’s journey; feel their sorrow and wish to convince everyone of how I see her…. I loved being on stage. So writing became that extension for me but —what I was thinking about was something else 

That Keats and Shelly —who were my original heroes from ninth grade English lit; hardly fifteen—ripe for their plucking ….but to find they died so young—that they had tragic lives. But sadder is Shelly in a way because of the way he sank into sexual filth. I got sad as I researched all this…. their competition with Mary Shelly and all that about females are brainless; meant to be brainless; property —how could Mary Shelly create Frankenstein ? No, it had to be a man who wrote it. Because—guess what? We are back there now. Women are just brainless property still so how do I feel about that? I shun the world. I really don’t like people. 

The French Revolution writers —the idyllic fantasy to free humans from chains; free their minds —remove them from their rulers and all that 

well…. It would be nice but seems like utopia; really though, it is not like all of them went to extremes in thought but it seems naive as look at what became of industrialism and upon whose shoulders do they drain the lives 

But look at naturalism as they saw it —there is something I must have not seen until now and that is what disturbs me. You see? They were —Coleridge too, they lost their heads in a wild fantasy when they should have been more industrial so— there we have William Morris who was the success story but he had a few lucky breaks; still, he was not a miserly person at all and wrote the book that inspired Lord of the Rings for Tolkien. 

I think it’s about what I should decide I’d rather focus on and what the message is I am conveying…. is that my role then? i don’t care, i think i need it to be said and maybe that’s the only reason; who cares who reads it?someone has to write this; like why hasn’t anyone done it?