Thriller

 

Word processing for self help (and if you choose to abandon this artist from recognizing her Art as the whole of her work, that is sad but I’ve witnessed friends are fake and this is my work for all that I am; accept me as I am or fuck off)

do I find his stories of capers a great distraction from ….well, what I’m trying to not think about 

never look back …. but it happened and …. it was mad …. and I did not need another scar so,anyway 

someone in his field would have seen his fair trade of exposure to combat I would imagine and agents suffering from the ….after affects 

he tells me with kindness that he sees I’m going through PTSD as he has training in coaching this ….he was there, he got me out of there and saw the departing scene as he was a part of it and —he tells me six months at least I should expect …. the flashbacks, the hysteria, the hyperventilating but there are woods and his hunting grounds all to myself to hike as it is a wildlife preserve …. and he has rifles everywhere alongside his hunting trophies as ….he tells me I’m safe here and ….I dare say, with his oxygen tank for his emphysema I ….don’t feel under threat there and actually, hopefully, more under his protection as I did witness his intervention on my behalf —when nobody else was there—he got me out of there…. I just wish the terror would stop, I made myself not feel all that time. not think too much about what was happening because it would not have been possible to …. keep it up. the shield. the sword. the armor. you become what is otherwise lacking, I am my own knight but I cannot hold myself up anymore which is not like me at all ….not in a long long time was that road kill me, but I will rise like the phoenix and the dawn ….I swear, that ass will not have the pleasure of defeating me because —he is worthless, putrid garbage and when I get back up, I swear that I will smear him. I just need some peace and ….some time