dear e.d. …. of course it has been such a horrible time 

but so many other things make up for it …. 

and of course how am I even writing the script? —but then wasn’t it Rowling who was once so desperate she wrote HP all on toilet paper ….I have taken to over exercising to deal with the stress. but am not eating. I am upset all the time here and I get so scary thin, e.d., so just hope I don’t fall apart but you know, I have faith my work is going to pay off, I do believe in it as a work; it’s been all that I am since I can remember

….and I realize lately that as always, the dictionary is guiding me ….because that is how the journey began. I know I need to keep going. it is meant to take its complete form ….I trust it will show me the way 

but if it is about humanity, after all, seen through a philosophical artist’s lens then, I feel it must require an actual poke inside an excavation as odd as maybe it seems— what is this to do with art? but it does as the human story and I would be beyond thrilled to have that happen; 1) for the research 2) for the research (lol) 3) for the credibility of course 4) for the ideas 

I mean I always knew archeology would enter in —as related to the Elan/Raoul story; And even before —my obsession and fascination with bog people,

and it’s all there in the earth, isn’t it? 

a part of the history of a planet but —there is something about the tactile proof of its existence that causes one to feel a connection to their stories in such a personal dimension. But, I have had this feeling a while that —I think I am meant to find something because so—many other things have turned out ….accurate…. these thoughts along with —sitting alone in a room— get me through the tedium of the detail nail biting script writing ….and done on my phone …. while walking the highway for seven miles, and i suppose by now whether I like it or not I am used to living by the seat of my pants…. 

life is a cabaret…. J'aimerais être là