The following scene; Struck by chords and stranger notes

when he knocks on the door I say,
“no....” and lean against it. I feel somehow shaken ....



sometimes it is hard to filter out reason ....always shoot from the hip and look them in the eye and be fearless .... feel nothing

“Duva....?”

“Jörn, please....” I say through the door and feel the pulse beat in my head with pain ....feel nothing; I sit on the floor holding my head; and do the mantra — nothing comes in, nothing goes out —feel nothing; nothing comes in and nothing goes out and we are very very far away .... we feel nothing, ignore pain, we don’t feel it here inside

he pushes the door I lean against and I slide across the tile

it makes me sick again by the motion

“no! please go!” I say and feel the need to vomit again but as I’m empty, only am only able to heave,

still my stomach’s intention won’t relinquish and I feel it spasm through my skin; it is like razors inside

“Please go!” I say in between gasps and gagging but he ignores me and ....only then I vaguely I hear him say things to me as I double over wishing to die.... “what did you do?” I ask him angrily through retching and heaving as tears burn my eyes and smear my glasses, “what happened?” I ask him standing up dizzy and rinsing out my mouth but still heaving uncontrollably as I spit

 he says,
“breath....” and stands behind me and makes me stand still

never mind that he says it like an order which makes me shout at him,

“did you set me up?”

but again he says it,
“breath—“ and this time he presses his hand against my abdomen and says something into my ear

he says it in his language to me.... but I don’t know what it means ..... but he says it a few times in this strange way; not a chant but more like a nursery rhyme

it confuses my thoughts and derails wherever I meant for them to go

  even as I feel he has stopped the spasms with his hand ....I think—well, he caused it, and I think it with anger but wonder again over why .... he would —or why the blankness comes that always comes to cloud certain thoughts and yet I find I strongly suspect  —he knew what he was doing

And so I think in my confusion now

I ask, caught against him

“What happened back there, Jörn?”

I start to turn to look up at him but he catches me as my movement disrupts my equilibrium; that strange feeling in your eardrum


“It’s been a long night,” he tells me and as if in conclusion, he picks me up and takes me to his bed

“I saw Gerald before the concert, you know,” I tell him now and read his eyes. But he just gives me an odd look and pulls me into his lap and wraps my legs around him

“Why did you put your phone on silence?” he asks now

I don’t answer that

he did try to warn me about the evening’s danger

after.... I found all his messages

Instead I ask,
“do you have a GPS on my phone?”

“All phones have GPS,” he says, ignoring what he knows I mean


I look at him


Only no....

just because he can pull me into his lair, I wonder if maybe I should know better


“Duva.... “ he stares into my eyes