Coincides with …. that other Jurassic research when I was

 (*side note to later cross reference for ‘Elizabethan—the weird fossil experience class trip; week in England  and sliding down the hill—etc…., still thinking over how it fits)

I feel like I start to understand now my connection with Elan. It began —actually—to surface for me when it was a kind of flash point I had. An article came out on the ‘bog people’ ….that was the moment 

I was standing at “Information” (another word for “The torture and please abuse me station”) on my afternoon shift— between long lists of student requirements by parents thrown in my face…. this article 

I was stunned. I remember staring out at Hempstead turnpike. My mouth went dry. I felt weirdly sick. That taste in my mouth. Metal? I had to read …. the image of a red haired girl ….a bog girl 

It may seem silly; funny; tea leaves searching but— it was the strum up at the tip of my spine 

It’s never a fancy 

By experience— it guided me to John that day when after six years I knew he’d be at the super market buying lettuc

I found him in the lettuce isle

I don’t ask for it. Please be clear. It calls me

So …..

Bog girl …. Began my journey to that very part of Borders in Levittown that day between mom’s threatening lists of their several student’s needs I was sometime required to produce for them …. it started where ….

   ? “The Birmingham Set” a randomly weird dowsing rod from a William Morris investigation that lead me like instinct to a journey of spiritual awakenings and artistic rebirths 

 

summer vibe comes in

I’ve been spending days at the beach writing and meditating. Continuing the flow of where things take me

as like elan am drawn to the beach and nature and seem best in the outdoors

People watching and meeting people; the summer vibe here is much different, it draws the vacationers and all day men want to pick me up; they stop me. they are much bolder than the local men; I was told today by a stranger how special I am and called “gorgeous” my mood of people is amused and bewildered as soon after another man stopped me and said

“Hey I just saw you at the beach you walked all this way?” (he was riding an electric scooter) 

I’m like, 

“yeah, I like to walk to the beach….”

and proud to tell me he sold chandeliers to our president weekly…. and then— also asked me out— but he asked if I was a college student and then told me about how his daughter was taking over the mortgage of his house as —I guess he was divorcing but ….then that means he thinks I’m …. like —? if she’s taking over his mortgage and he thinks I’m a college student …he wants to be my daddy?I got a sick red flag so— I made an abrupt exit but now I know who to watch for, but the new vibe here yes—I didn’t notice last year so deep in woe about that metal death trap but this year, until I decide where I’m going I am liking the vacation attitude here and the vacationers are very fun to be around and yeah I love the attention 

Bran& Beth/interruptions & instructions

 

It is the sound of a young male voice calling from somewhere far away that causes Bran to suddenly let go 

“Ioan,” he says simply looking regretfully down at me but letting go and stepping back anticipating the appearance of his young son Ioan. I get a glimpse of him and then he looks back at me awkwardly. I see instantly he looks more like Clare, but he stares a bit longer than I expect him to before he does a funny wave before he and his father talk.

“I should get changed,” I say as I start to walk past them to go inside 

Bran calls out,

“go through the bedroom door, it’s unlocked.”

But until he said that I hadn’t realized there was a door that led out to the garden from the bedroom. From outside I had assumed it went somewhere else. There is a pebbled paved walkway through the garden, and it leads to the little patios that I now see one is by the bedroom with chairs and a table which I had noticed but glossed over. 

The door is unlocked, and it is a sliding door which on the inside was covered by long draperies that go all the way across but mesh off to the sides and one side was hiding the door which going back in, I have to move aside

only once I am back in the bedroom do I realize why Bran wanted me to go this way— he managed to slip a surprise for me across the bed. There’s a note attached to a pretty white dress with eyelet and little white satin bows 

I look at the note which says,

‘~Wear this for me tonight x’

ces choses que je me demande

 Qui veux-tu à tes côtés quand ton monde s'effondre ? Avec qui vas-tu célébrer le fait d'être là pour toi ?

Bran & Beth/his garden

“But, before we go, there’s something I want you to see,” Bran says

He shows me his garden. He takes my hand. 

We go through the terrace door which is just through the dining room, and it is like stepping into a sanctuary. He holds my hand and absently our fingers twist and weave….and it is so natural with him, we do this without knowing we do until when I almost trip over a garden tool, his hand grips mine tight…. It catches me. 

We are in his garden ….at last and this caught off moment brings us to the immediate present….how strange to be in his garden after so much time has passed….. I think this caught in his poet’s eyes ….see the Hamilton roses 

“Beth,” he says and puts his hands on me; they lay upon my shoulders and he slowly draws me to him but holds me in front of him, “I’m sorry ….for all the wasted years,” he says now

“No—“

“Yes,” he says but stops any more of my words with his mouth; without foreplay of warning his kiss possesses immediately