Noir smörgås varm röra/orrefors Crystal clear (jmmusechroncont)

 

I look straight at Josef as I come back —he sits at the head of the table. A bit breathless. Then I notice that his sleeve is caught on the edge of the table —as though he just heedlessly rushed to his seat 

I glance at Elsa 

  who similarly ….is sat with part of her skirt oddly twisted beneath her, trapping her legs 

but it is Andreas of whom— what is he doing?

I walk over to him by the tall console table as he has his back turned so awkwardly as though he—

“Do you need help?” I go around to look at his pose from another side 

“Oh my god!” I exclaim as I see he has a tall Orrefors crystal vase cradled precariously in his arms as if—he just accidentally  ran into the table recklessly 

I catch the vase. glance as Elsa. She looks away quick but—I see the gasp of relief she tries to hide 

I pretend not to pay any mind but I do look at Josef with his caught sleeve pointedly and decide to help him. He sheepishly smiles up at me,

“tack, kära du,” he pats my hand affectionately mustering a show of composure and a glance at Elsa 

I walk over to her next as she is actually now sat at the other head of the table and as I walk towards her I look at Josef as I go,

“so, explain the purpose for Jörn to marry me. Is it the citizenship or is it the property legal clause on the Swedish opera house?”

“Svenska operahuset,” I hear Elsa whisper to herself 

“Well before—“Josef starts to say 

but at the very exact moment Andreas says,

“Both.”

Andreas’ voice is louder 

Andreas my ally. I look at him. But at that moment I hear a tap on another door behind me. This one leads out to the corridor to the bedrooms, but it is usually open, like now. So the tap cones loud on the panel of the open door. I turn to see Hanna 

“If pappa marries you, it allows him more freedom with his work in your country and—affords some extras for friendly family members; if you know what I mean,” she winks at me

Trust kids for honesty at awkward moments ….as I see Erik is sneaking out behind her 

I groan,

“smörgås varm röra,” and sit down next to Elsa as I take a moment to think ….they seem to be watching me

After a second to reflect, I get up and walk around as I think 

“I marry him—“ I point to Jörn, “you benefit because then you keep the opera house,” I say and walk to the window, “so—how does that benefit Jörn? ….diplomatic immunity?”

“It’s ….” Jörn starts to walk over to me shaking his head, “it’s more ….complicated ….”

Josef clears his throat. It a signal throat clear. Warning?

I glance at Josef 

“If I’m going to be in this family I think I deserve some ….explanation—is it work—his platinum brand —corporation? Taxes? Or is it just the usual of surpassing the visa/green card dilemma?” But no…. there’s the obvious again, 

I spin around to Josef,

“Of course! If Jörn marries me—then you as —director— are free to ….” it all dawns 

I glance at Elsa but she glances at Jörn who then shoots an angry look at his pappa ….

Jörn turns to me,

“duva….he’s my cover”



scene steal

 but then I stop to look into his face. That face I know….I stare …..and run my fingers over his cheekbones …. and oh I think as I stare into such lovely vampire eyes….

this face of his….I know every line and crease ….as if I put it all there myself ….

and want to say—I need you back, that you I knew, but—maybe I don’t say that….i feel the weight of life instead and walk to the door,

“let’s not keep them waiting.”

“Duva—they are trying to arrange our marriage,” he says with an arched brow

I sigh,

“it’s just an arrangement.and…. guess what?—it offers me protection. I don’t care about the sex.”

Scene/e.d. noir

I walk and pace, then stay by the window as I think of what he said…. the deceptions were not intended for me ….but I receive the fall-out don’t I —with no bother of explanation nor —mention of any importance. for everything

I say to him,

“it seemed you actually were the first person who bothered to see me,” and the sad realization renews. That sense of ….but I shut out the thought. Instead I say,

“why did you stop looking?”

 

Jörn’s side

 

“Duva—don’t say that,” he says now to me as he stands up slowly as if with the weight of the world on his shoulders

“What?” I ask

“I have not lied to you,” he says somberly 

I consider his ….demeanor 

and for a moment I am rather taken aback by something I had not seen before,

“Jörn —to omit a truth ….or a white lie ….but I won’t play judge—but, you see…. I am only —reacting from what has happened and —what maybe is truth?—ok, I know that I don’t know everything ….the whys and the wherefore’s …..but—I think you know what I mean. Don’t pretend.”

He sighs heavily,

“can I ask you then to—wait before you draw all your conclusions ….what ever you might call what you call lies —were never placed in efforts to particularly deceive you; that was not ever the objective.”

musings/(jmmusechronCont)&e.d

 

I turn to look at him from the window with my arms folded,

“I think it is that I embody your emotion. You put me in a box with your emotions. You step away. You then pretend not to feel or care and you behave as badly as you please. 

the worst thing anyone can do though, I am afraid to say, but it is to make me believe I am taken for granted because there I cannot exist nor breathe so, I am resilient; and have self-respect and therefore I am quite tough….” on the outside to protect what nobody has come near and that is why there is the boomerang effect with the barbed wire and chains….because they believed they got so close to finding that very thing  …. which ….I’ve never ever given away to anyone 

in this lifetime

“but, if you cannot be truthful to me, the last thing in my life that I’d need is a liar and I can see right through you. How could you do that to me—I’m ….disappointed—I guess I ….must revise….”

 

I think I shall have to grow bored of you so that I don’t have to ….feel this kind of pain with you ….I don’t think you value my sincerity and ….” I push him with a jab so he falls onto the bed and I walk to the window to look out before I say, 

“and— I think for me, ethically, that has to be a problem, because you have decided to only see me as one of many other ‘things’ and —by doing that —tarnished my ….”

but I stop because I run myself into split and splinters of which side to see it from

“because if I am bored, then I won’t care—like you don’t.”