[a break from events]

 thoughts…. & /of the dictionary

in all the relationships/lovers I’ve ever had, never was there one who ever read anything I wrote. Never asked to, never took the initiative to bother. the same is true for my visual art, they but took a casual glance at it and never commented during the course of our intimacy

one even walked right across one of my paintings and left a footprint 

Is that why I do this ?

I guess there is a contradiction of how I am perceived outwardly. My physical looks don’t match who I am (do I look like a slut?) and must be the reason I have always attracted the worst partners. I really do not see how others see me; I get confused whenever situations come about from the result of this (so it is no surprise I don’t post pictures of myself here and try to limit it in other places) 

Some people have been asking me what is happening with my ‘project’ side of “Electra’s dictionary” 

Electra’s dictionary ….. it’s been a part of me for as long as I have been self-aware. And, it seems that whatever I do in my life, it evolves into but it is also my clipboard of consciousness and —I guess, will continue to until the end 

To be and to morph, and bend to life around the nucleus that I exist in….but

Electra’s dictionary ….does it belong in that real world out there? 

I don’t want be commercial

so —what could it be? 

There’s a line in the movie Tootsie when Bill Murray’s character says “I wish I had a theatre that was only open when it rained,” 

and …. I guess it’s like that 

what kind of people venture out on rainy evenings? Possibly the kinds who wish to avoid crowds…. 

Those other types ….well …. they would never grasp the Dictionary

So, in trying to envision how to reach that rainy day audience —as they must exist but maybe just are scattered all over the planet in secret corners of the world, as, I believe there are a lot of introverts out there with similar leanings 

Lately when I have been thinking about this in consideration in making it as film, it would work best if it could be done very modestly. Almost like it is Electra’s iPhone filming it as an extension in her diary and just let the story tell it. 

Visually and audibly, as my diary depicts and blends the real with the haze of illusion…. move from verse to scenes fluidly like the blog; like a vlog …. it has become my favorite as an idea, so—in this way it would not need big budget special effects methods, as I couldn’t compete with this anyway but I really don’t think my style of storytelling actually needs it—and I have begun to believe it’s more a distraction to do the Dictionary in that way.

…. a bit gritty at first as it opens …. visually like stepping inside a diary and a consciousness 

Electra’s dictionary and Film Noir/A Short Shift; transition in thoughts (jmmusechronicles)

Electra—

I have heard nothing directly from him in so long, I start to lose faith …. and more odd messages come… but from whom? ….I don’t know what to think or what to believe; his silence I don’t understand anymore…. they …. leave me to question —is it Jörn? —or some copycat who has figured out our secret codes and ….so now I find I wonder how to proceed 

One message I find through our Cabaret website —from someone named “Carmen” but I don’t bother to open it right right away as it does not register immediately and—it is not until moments later when I go for a hike on Sunny’s grounds that I get a strange sense deep within …..and when I get a jolt suddenly —it occurs to me to think of that email; so find I rush to return suddenly when I get a sense something is quite wrong 

and ….decide to look at the email from Carmen 



…. life is so terrifying 

you enter this world and it all starts 

the canons in all directions

and it never stops 

nobody says aloud —are you scared? 

I am 

all the time ….it is always war everywhere, even the kind in little worlds; we are all so fragile 

why is love so intangible? 

….peace, little dove, Electra 

 

e.d.

I receive a strange message …. is it Jörn?

 

Electra’s dictionary and film noir/jmmusechron next chapter 

So I find I think of Jörn all the time; constantly and …. I wonder was it always this way? ….is it only that I am conscious of it now because …. or is it the fear of what danger he may be in?

I think of the thrill …. those times at Lincoln center; rushing to concert just to see him …. to watch him up there, so beautiful and golden in the lights and now, who knows what dark cover he has assumed for this new caper 

I don’t like this. Not to be near him has become a physical ache lately which— no, I don’t mean it in that way; I mean it in another way; a way I am not so familiar …. in a way that I never thought I was capable so—I wonder about it all with the world as it is

And I think about that Viking and that Celtic girl; a girl’s life I relive almost every night….

Maybe ….

it must mean something if it is another end to another era perhaps ….? 

I think of him that day in the lobby the first time I saw him …. I really don’t think I am supposed to ignore ….