thoughts like gauche on vellum

 

a seven year pilgrimage, so to speak, through life. when rushing madly out the door with the house on fire and no time to grab your hat. where have we gone. that nobody can recognize us anymore? like the pantomime who washes off his make up, wash the masks away and watch them wash down the drain

those faces….not the hat on the way out the door; but instead, there, that one is the first choice because it was there at the time

Was there at the time 

it wasn’t the first idea one might have chosen, just what the panic grabbed because it was the only shield to hide stark nakedness

stark naked ….i have wandered so long—haven’t we, el?stark naked with just our wits, and there we grabbed it

One in Talent and Ashland, one in Oak Park, one in Hyde Park, the fbi years, the north country face but none —none I’ve known 

am not afraid of seeing her there —discarded like old jeans ….but I don’t think I know her anymore ….like the Royal Oak cemetery we’d walk by; the real ghosts we saw and knew ….like the sketch I did in (she’s so) gauche on vellum (~gouache on vellum)

I fear I’ll see her there —see-through on the wind like a kite, hair like dried maple leaves that crinkle like paper 

No, indeed, let us pay respect. Let us take a moment and stand upon that corner facing the liquor store and do not turn a cold shoulder. Stand and greet her. Salute her. And bow. And see even the unkind lines upon her face and adore them and then stand before that golden mirror and put her back on like a priestess robe, not as cover nor as rewind but as that pair of discarded jeans that were made to last, that was too hastily shunned for passé, the classic is reliable and holds its shape better

the quandary of but ? —does it fit? —is that me?; was that me?when so many lately have been throwing what and who we are to them. 

The ghosts by the cemetery always were the talk and, so— that one we left there? if we met her what would we say….i think she’d want to come along with us—maybe i guess we left her there too. she couldn’t have taken the journey. so where do we take her instead?

the severed garden

 

https://youtu.be/zgvOX9OLZzQ?si=5cJAHMYk7aIYvWZA

(Not) Another 800 Words

 The Boatclub 

“Don’t tell me you still work here!” Siouxsie’s voice carried across the width of the massive interior of the Boat Club and her remark was aimed at the other female standing at the bar sporting her favorite surfer bodysuit while throwing back a few surrounded by a crowd of buff men. Siouxie stood in her signature black goth attire and ghost pale face and just because she had to, for old time’s sake, struck a pose by the entrance 

“What???” the other woman replied squinting as she looked over, “what the ….am I dreaming….is that Morticia Adams in the flesh or Siouxsie McNamara of the fashion house boutique? Holy sh—when did you blow in? How many years has it been?”

Siouxie walked over and looked around,

“seems like nothing’s changed around here.”

“Oh it has. It has, believe me, like you can’t get decent service in here for one!” Hannah laughed and looked Siouxie up and down with approval, “hey—yo—we need a couple more drinks out here, snap to it barman!”

Hannah’s circle of fanboys all roared in agreement with approval 

“Hannah—you think you may slow it down?” Zack stepped from the kitchen area

Hannah looked at Siouxie with a slight wink,

“see what I mean? Some —interesting changes….”

“Siouxie!” Zack looked over now realizing who was there and came around to hug her, “what blew you in?”

“That’s what I been asking her, can you give us a refill Dad?”

“If you can get it yourself, Hannah, be my guest, you still act like you work at Fiona’s.”

“Ahh, Fiona’s is it?” Hannah looked again at Siouxie, “this isn’t just the Boat Club anymore. They’ve expended, didn’t your granddad tell you? Big Mac backed it, shocked the hell out of me, but there you have it.”

“You’re kidding?” Siouxie pulled up a chair to sit at the bar as Hannah walked around behind it, “my grandfather backed exactly what —are you saying? I’m totally intrigued, they never tell me anything! I’ve had zero news of Weld, fill me in!”

“Well, for starters, what are you drinking?”

“I’ll have a hurricane if you still remember how to make it,” Siouxie turned to the male surfers, “don’t mind us, though you all look tasty we have to catch up now so catch some waves.” And once they took the hint she asked, 

“So your dad works for Fiona?” 

“Works? My dad? Can you ever e-magine my dad working for a woman? Are you mad? His Māori pride would never let that happen—uh no, I was more suggesting more of an interesting partnership.”

“Your dad and Fiona are ….?”

“I’m not saying that at all but I’m saying it’s interesting. How long have you been away? You went on your kiwi year and never came back as I recall ….”

“Yeah well, it’s been a few—have you seen Shay? Not to get off the topic, which I’m really interested in too but, we lost touch like a year or so back when I was in the Himalayas—that’s where I got a lot of my design ideas for the boutique.”

“You mean —so you don’t know? I thought you two were like super buddies—weren’t you?” Hannah poured the shots and they drank down a few 

“Like I said, the Himalayas ….so—wait is that your dad unpacking—“

“No—packing —“

“An airplane,” Siouxie pointed in shock out the boat club window 

“It’s a seaplane,” Hannah said simply and matter-of factly, “see what I mean? A lot has changed. Once dad got his license you can say things really took off. You see? Of course Big Mac would back this. So now my dad flies people in and imports; he has three other pilots and planes—well seaplanes —but that’s not all of it….you left when?”

“It’s like three—four years maybe?”

“That’s how long since you spoke to Shay?”

“Those mountains, I’m telling you, the Himalayas are steep.”

“Well, the caravan park is gone—my dad merged the property with the Orca and now you should see the new hotel,” Hannah waved outside in the direction,

“And let me guess, your brother Ike now runs the Uber service,” Siouxie added 

 “As if! Wow you haven’t heard any news huh? He graduated from Auckland came back and —wait do you wanna see the hotel now, I mean, it’s right here, it’s attached to the boat club if ya wanna go see it.”

“Uhh, no, wait— I think first you need to tell me about Shay—is she in here in Weld?”

“I thought you guys did the kiwi year together?”

“We kinda got separated when I lost my phone ….and that’s actually how I wound up ….in the Himalayas….I came back with great clothes! Anyway, tell me about Shay.” 

(Not)800 Words continued

The twins sat happily under the umbrella on the sand as Smiley engaged the two in a very long winded Māori fable; the twins reacted by mostly giggling at the expressions he made as he retold the ancient story. Woody had promised Tracey he would spend lots of quality time with the twins but the waves were just looking too good. And there came Smiley to the rescue 

“Hey Woody! Something’s come up!” Smiler (Smiley) had waved at him running up Piranha Bay shore

“Yeah, mate, and great call and timing—check out those waves! You reckon you might watch the little surfers for me while I catch some?”

“No, we’ve got huge orders now coming in with those solar panels—have you seen George?”

“Ahh, no worries, mate—let me just catch a few and you watch these two and I’ll burn right through those orders, thanks mate!” without hesitation or a moments reflection, Woody accepted the allegorical gift horse, grabbed his board and leapt for the ocean leaving Smiley scratching his head but settling down next to the twins in the sand. 

By now, Smiler was used Woody’s ways and Smiler was no better at being distracted off task as the twins were really so entertaining. It was hard to say which of the two the twins more resembled as they both had a look of both Tracey and Woody, and a funny habit of stripping off their clothes. This thought made Smiler chuckle recalling that was how their parents met; on the nudie beach 

Today was back to school, Tracey being the principal couldn’t look after the twins and they weren’t at the stage of day care just yet (that is Tracey and Woody were not), so Smiler and his lady nurse friend had somehow taken on the role and with unmasked annoyance and rolled eyes Smiler’s lady nurse friend said she wasn’t knitting booties to voice her protest in her subtle way.

Lost in thought staring at the waves Smiler was taken by surprise as a wet surfer slap landed on his back when Woody returned, shocking the islander out of his dreamy thoughts. 

“Woody!”

“Scared ya mate! —naw just me!—what a surf—you know I saw a penguin out there, I swear, it was just coasting along and—“

“Woody— I just had a thought —“

“Oh yeah, just the one or is this like —“

“George!”

“What about George?”

“George and Katie….”

“Yeah what about them?”

“Katie and Zack…..”

“Uhh yeah ….but they’re like—“

“George and Fiona…..”

Woody scratched his face scruff thoughtfully,

“I see where you’re going with this, but they all —“

“I saw Zack leaving—“

Woody abruptly stopped him,

“now Smiley, you know how I feel about gossip, if you’re about to tell me how he was just sneaking out Katie’s window I don’t wanna know, ok—cos like, that would kill the great vibe I am on from that surf, so don’t go there, ok?”

“No I’m just saying, it was that dinner party, I think those two would have had a better chance—“

“I know you like to say how George helped me and Trace talk it through and all but we shouldn’t be poking our noses in this, besides, I heard Shake may be a thing again—but that’s not gossip because of who I heard it from!” with a whiplash motion, Woody then landed another wet slap on Smiler’s back

“Shay and Ike?”

But already Woody was halfway down the beach with Amy on his shoulders and little Andy stumbling beside him learning to test his legs

The gates of hell

Demeter at the gates of Hades, amidst a windstorm of sand and billowing hooded cape of aubergine, falls down upon the entrance door 

Our gods are immortal. Their fables misconstrued but they endure the lower minded replicas of them who run around for a time on the game board 

The stories have many turns and many many reinventions 

Enduring the caveman *dictionary notes

Quite by accident, to my surprise, I recently discovered that I still think in Dutch. 

You know, it triggered a domino effect in my mind when this realization tripped up upon me as I was in the process of looking for that touchstone; keystone ….of humankind 

you know that part of our evolutionary history where we sat upon a precipice. The species were hunted. But that changed. And then there was time for wars. But what happened in between. What about the status quo quietly puttering on the edge of society which cradled them in the means to survive. 

In all this to of course find my need for answers. Why I’m different. Who did I come from. What mystery do I need to find? What of those people I never got to know but I am a scion of; I’d really like to know ….who they were 

So I found myself deep in piles of handwritten notes— the Charlemagne age, the Romans, the Greeks, the Celts/Gauls, the Minoans, the Vinčas and naturally I had to search out movies next— keep in mind Quest for Fire was my favorite film when I was eighteen, so it’s all about the wonder of the caveman walls and those notes they left behind 

my fascination (via Elan’s past life with Vikings) with Frisians after extensive studies of the Scandinavians dragged me further towards others of the Germanic common lines, beyond the Jutes, Angles and Saxons because of the dark horse of a mystery that is my other half of mixed but old aristocracy (on the wrong side)

That was how I stumbled on Redbad and went in search of what films might be on him; so engrossed in the pagan scenes it was fifteen minutes in that I realized it was all in Dutch. But I’ve not been around any Dutch people for years. How can it be possible to immediately know the words 

I had a moment of pause as I thought about language. How so many words all originated from the same place. I thought of Proto/Indo/European (PIE) and how they are all connected.

And that DNA memory theory again 

What if it is as part of the human dna as the genes like thst sleeping dragon still in the blood even as so many revolutions have past. Wasn’t it Socrates who said we are all re-membering? That we already contained all our knowledge but we go through life trying to recall it from past lives. 

Electra 

 

ravenous

you know it was the most strangest of things, yesterday that I saw —it was something almost mythical.

right after the storm, the snow is all powder white, it crunches quietly because the sky is full of snow 

so it was this way, a bare skeletal tree at first caught my eye

then suddenly the sounds of wild ravens hawking loudly 

when I got to the house there it was! Covered in black ravens, dozens!!! A yellow house covered in ravens all flying around —then up in the trees behind in the bare branches —all filled with ravens. 

They circled me as I walked by the house and shouted at me flapping their wings 

and I wondered walking away—why is it only thst one house?