.... like Alice through the looking glass
and fallen into the mad hatter's garden party
His text was to tell me that he was on his way over.....
I feel like I must have tripped over .....the live wire fantastic. Because I don't understand what is happening here at all, but it feels like ....I have already read this somewhere. In a book. All covered in dust. And you find it in the public library, that was built and dedicated to....
only I am Cinderella grown up because they never found my slipper
He shows up to apologize --is he madder than a mad hatter? There is something I am so drawn to about him. It is like he stepped off my page or came out from my ear while I was redreaming. He's physical-- when he enters a room he commands his space that way athletes do. He is big, but he has a model's face. He looks like a young Viking prince, and it is so strange, because it feels like I knew him once. I meet people in my life often who trigger a vague memory of something that came from my dream waking mind. I remember people. There are stronger parts of these memories in connections to certain things. All my lovers have been familiar; wait....not all, no, but the important ones were.
None of them made sense to me. The attraction is a force that seems to recall guides to me or vice versa. I always want to run away. I never want these. They suck me dry like soul eating vampires.
and then I am tagged as the dragon lady
I am so tired....
We have been together over 24 hours straight..... now.... the last person in the world I would ever expect myself to have broken my nun-code for.
So I am self-conscious, yes? And he thinks this is something to tease me about.
Wicked brat ....and he only gets away with this because he's so cute.
No. no. Nothing has happened! Nothing, really. I don't need to chastise myself, so.... hmmm, so, here's the thing.... he comes over. Did I write before that it is the middle of the night? My place is not prepared for ....
I am not very keen on his being personally aware of my financial reality. (Keen? That is his word! Why am I saying this now?) ....I saw a funny thing I want now on e-Bay; it's a pendant necklace with this inscription : you're too close.
They call it 'Emo' ? Was I really born in the wrong generation or am I just really immortal?
At least just faery.
So Eliot makes fun of me, he brings over chocolate ice cream from 7/11 because I mentioned it's my favorite. He buys me four of them and some other odd choices that are more to his own delight. He wants to tell me about himself and when he discovers that I have no tv and no computer, he goes to get his tablet to watch movies with me.
"I think I should be afraid of you," I tell him, but I eat the ice cream. He has actually taken over my kitchen and makes me a hot fudge Sunday because he got whipped cream and other things. It is impossible to turn this down, I have priorities, of course, about chocolate, I mean.
The whole time I watch him I am thinking: if he were ugly and my age would he be in my apartment fixing me a bowl of ice cream? The answer is in the question.
"So why do you think this, my lady? I have only been completely honorable .... ok, except that I know I did not tell you straight off that my step father knew your mother."
I laugh. Only, it sounds shockingly like a giggle because I am saying,
"so, that would mean that we're almost like cousins."
"No, it means exactly the opposite, little nutter, and, it means we don't have to worry about going through the formalities of acquaintance initiation.... we are essentially....." (I have mentioned he has the flare for drama?) "from the same circles."
"Hmmm, how do I know you are who you say you are?"
.... he has big guileless, almost child-like eyes.... they are the kind that can haunt your heart after he has broken it. He knows it too, he knows his power. But Eliot; he needs and begs description; like his aristocratic golden beauty: the slant of the Norman bones beneath wide arctic blue eyes that follow the slant but is behooved by the personality traits he relies on as his best secret weapon; his prerogative to be crass if he's up to it.... because just as easily he flips the switch and turns to charm in one blink. Charm is a very powerful tool.
So he feeds me ice cream while making fun of my cats now,
"I am afraid of him because I think he might mistake me for a meal, or parts of me."
I don't know.... how to respond so I say,
"Why did you become interested in all of this; me; etc ...."
"Because he told me about everything and.... about you...."
I am waiting for the rest. But nothing comes. Instead, he is just looking at me. Starring at me. He is looking at me the way I saw him look at me at the shop that day.
He has his head tilted to one side slightly and he looks with a funny twinkle in his eyes. He dazzles; when he smiles a certain way, he has dimples, and when he wants to use them, he does. They are not possible to resist and I am sure he has practiced this trick all his life. Only, what does he say? Do you know what he says?
"I always wondered what you would be like.... you're so beautiful.... do you know that? Look who your father was, I knew you would be....you know, Beth, you don't look your age."
"I don't understand what you are talking about, Eliot. What do you know? I mean, about me? I thought you.... wait--I'm confused...."