Thursday, August 17, 2017

the man who sold the world

the man who sold the world

Once upon a time long ago..... back in the time of kingdoms and heathens

there was a princess who, by will of her family, was to be married off to the prince who was from a northern kingdom, in past, often at war with theirs. So this alignment was to seal a pact between two rival kingdoms over power through land

Both lands lay across the edge of land before it dips suddenly and  deepens sharply into sea

If you go to the edge, you may look out..... into the sea

That never ending sea that continues as far as your eyes can see

White capped.... and often brutal.....

but in cherished times, a backdrop of such breathtaking beauty it stops your heart

These two lands were neighbors and so, it is possible to imagine the awkward proximity these rivals have of their enemy

If at war, the neighbor mocks you in sleep

Boarder fears


So you must always install men to stay watch all through the night.... this becomes the quiet and constant paranoia only enabled further by continual skirmishes between them occurring whilst the kings slept. If they slept. For both learned naught to rest and to sleep always with one eye open

The joining of the opposing kingdoms through marriage presented the best solution as other deals were struck to ensure their ease of comfort of power control that would not emasculate their thrones

In the presence of their people and legal aides, the bargain was struck

So it was a fine day when the Princess Lokael was firmly guided to the alter before the court of her lands of birth and for the first time her eyes befell her prearranged betrothed on this wedding day.

To be sure, her heart stopped

and she did stumble. Her lady maid whispered and steadied her foot.... but the Princess Lokael had not broken the current his eyes upon hers held her within

She had been angry

She had raged at her mother and father over this union....insulted over the filth it had left on her skin to be bartered like a sheep. For to her own family she had only been seen as a doubtful reminder

Lokael's family never felt she was of their blood as both her parents had been dark and she had been born with hair like fire

The prince's family had no such prejudice for reasons that went back generations. As well, the two families did not mix beyond their negotiating meetings

And so, on that wedding day when for the first time his eyes befell her, the Prince Ioanlldd watched her emerge from the cluster of ladies.... his eyes were dragged by the power of her flames.... and he could not free himself.... and never broke from that moment on consumed as he was

It was a silent pact

Between them

Whilst neither had wanted the bargain

But they had not been at liberty to communicate their wishes to each other

But by family obligations, they had to fulfill this bargain. And each knew this

In the princess' mind she had been prepared to thwart the desires of the princes' every wish from the start.....

she had intended

However..... once the magnet drew them together that fine day.....

and without spoken promise of the necessity of words, together, at their alter of union, they built a private, silent and more sacred bargain that needed no pact nor handshake....

For.... this was a pact of trust that was beyond mortal flesh 

agreed between in deepest faith .....from that first eve of their consummation

But what neither knew was that the Prince's father had bigger visages than what was agreed upon in this pact; he was interested in the princess' lands and so.....

And so, in secret,the King made another pact with Yiogeoth who was known for his warring ships from beyond that sea....

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

dawn of the Eclipse

This is a dawn that nobody's ever seen; this is a dawn that has never before come into the light.....'

Of Day

' we are standing here on the brink of something entirely new.....'

He stood there like a hologram


a canvas ....that is shifting

with layers

.....the planes

like Saturn's rays


I see him now and

I see him then

we were all those things....are.... it is like surfing

yes? you balance yourself not on waves

but on chance

it is a mind thing

not of bio or chemical.... not of any but all

'The eclipse is coming,' he smiles

He smiles.... I see the eyes now. I see them in every face through time....each time he comes to get me.... a prince; a warrior; a priest; a wizard.....

'A father....' he winces and paces across my visage and the one within that sees third eye.... blind....20/20.... hindsight....

We pace back and forth. Our minds can do that. It is like a duel. At first the play. Then flex to exercise...then warmed up, the challenge

he disarms me....

      as he bows.... he is kneeling before me.... like that Victorian painting with the knight before his queen.... and how can it not move me?

Like all the other times.

"The eclipse....!" I have to say it aloud.... to hear it resonate aloud. It is not a ritual, per se. It is that the vibration is able to commune with organic element like trees and grass. The roots and carbon are very basic but powerful components. Simple; life. As life is the play out plane of experience ....theory in practice and this is necessary as pleasure often competes to eclipse ....the higher purpose

It is so easy to become sidetracked in the temporal world. Most succumb right away and then the struggle throughout life is the game that repeats like a rat on a treadmill....

'Look at me,' he says

Saturday, August 12, 2017


O awkward beauty,
 thou art perched upon the edge
  of a berth
     that is beauty

though the Sun and the stars sparkle gloriously,
the heavens weep

For thou art not what the Sun enlightens

Thou art dark as beauty

that is Truth

And Just --so there is naught to be ashamed

For thou art not a faded rose

But everlasting

    In a glorious Sun that will never set
Thou art infinite as the rays where....all was once

begun and there is only pressure in the task

it is without time and naught to be measured , instead,
it is with silence

In stillness and in blank stares even



therein lies your answers

the Stars are merely

there to confirm.....

you reach for hell and heaven for answers that

you know

have always known and never

.....once doubted; the Answer is.....

to arrive like morning

Friday, August 11, 2017

Wolf cries and hollow moons

      ......I suppose it is that I wanted to matter for me, to have been seen for who I actually was. Am. To be seen for who I am. Not for the person each invented who pretended to love me; or loved me falsely ....none could be True. None of them ever really saw who was in front of them. That is the part that leaves me feeling that ....there is such loss

But I know Bailey can hear me.... my thoughts

'That should tell you something.....'

Oh get out of my head

'That's up to you, Angel.... and so far you have never shut that door....'

I have a moment where I second guess that last remark.... because I can argue that. I think. Only I don't .... have the desire to look...

right now I reflect on this total emptiness I am staring at and feeling like I need to press pause..... stop --like not even.... it is only an emptiness if I see it this way..... so don't.....

Does this work? I only mean to put it away-- something is not right. I have missed something.... too busy trying to rush past the fears of panic ....running blindly.... for so long....

'Stop running, Angel....'

But I can't

'Sure you can.'


'You don't have to run.'


'You never had to....'

'Please stop.'

'Then stop me.'


'I've been with you all along, Angel.....'

So this means that ....nobody ever knew me. All this time .... I really have been.....


'No, Angel-- you don't want to and this is why I came to get you.....'

What does this mean?

Thursday, August 10, 2017

Letters from God

It is literal. Yes? I found things left for me ..... and they are actually spelling something to me

I feel I am being lead ....they are random breadcrumbs

but they are guiding me

because all the things I keep finding..... the free books left at the library

first Carlos's Don Juan, then the palm reading, the King James Bible, Ceasar's Gaul war..... no that one I checked out actually

It is random but all are answering my puzzling exploration

Who is watching me?

Who knows to leave this for me?

I think it's the nerdy man who works there; it's just too random....

The Latin book!!!! Yes! And half of Ceasar's book was printed in Latin. I'm ....acting like an archeologist. Why am I so obsessed? For how many years am I doing this? It was since that weird experience in delirium when I thought I heard the loud drums that woke me. I was ill with Mono. I was exhausted but I was angry at neighbors for playing loud music so early in the morning.

But it turned out not to be neighbors

It woke me

It was war drums; like in Mwng by Super Furry Animals way before I discovered them

It was war drums

I could never have invented that sound and I never went to movies like that in those days

It scared me. It woke me. My heart was pounding. It moved me emotionally

I had no reasonable explanation as to why I was weeping hysterically. I must have been ill indeed.

Only from then on, more and more things came

Random and out of nowhere. A fleeting ....flash.... flicker ....a memory; it like blew across my senses like a provoking and haunting sent..... it awakened me

It seems my life has become a series of remembering.... waves.... life times..... their importance emerges like a photographer's photo in the chemical bath.... you watch.... me

the skins cling to you even after the life is through

it clings like after taste

it becomes a part of your Soul.

That is why the selection before hand is so specific does not wash out. Ever

Some more than others

Some ones ....more than other ....ones

I find as I detour off the road.... lately, that is the trail that fits my path

To go off the main.... I be that off beaten track.... so why should this be so great a surprise?

How long has Bailey been sitting there? How long have I been aware of him making his grunts of encouragement as my mind barfed upon itself?

'Not barf, Electra.... you are walking the tightrope like a swan-ballerina and you make it look easy...." do I hear a note of regret, in his voice?

'That is 'awe' actually, I understand you are not used to that....'

"From you?" I say aloud.

He nods at the dad and son who walk by

I look at him and wait

He is looking at me in the same way

He begins to smirk..... and cocks one silvery brow,
"So?" he says aloud


"I want to know what you think of that new knowledge .... you neglect to mention the free book left for you by your adoring male librarian was the book on the mind.... that goes beyond science but includes it...."

I breath. Then say,

"Yeah, but then the other book is by Ihara Saikaku whose famous in literature for his descriptions of boys.... what's that got to do with me?"

"That one wasn't left for you, Angel-- which says something more to do with your own proclivities ...." his look was enigmatic.  Deadpan. I notice in retrospect .... mocking.

'What do I think?'

So I look at him,

"I'm willing to suspend my belief, as they say in literature...."

"Oh, only just? Not the magick or the affirmation of...."

This time when I look at him..... England..... Albion.... Gaul....Gaelic .... Breton? Celt? Germania.... the beaker people?

"They leave an aftertaste...." he says aloud and never before have I seen that intent look in his eye ....before he grabs me roughly to make me look.....

     ....down his memory, down through his eyes.... a fall through a whirlpool through a cloud of mist until you arrive.... and it is a velvety, plush carpet of green; hills that dip down to valley and groves.....

'yes!' he grabs my arm and squeezes.

I am dizzy.... what does this mean.... I cannot ..... not now; I cannot


Sunday, August 6, 2017

don't ask me

'Will she grow ....up?' do we follow his logic?

You may wonder when it is best to use magick.

And you may wonder what kind

what kind of magick

is it

Why do I think of that Queen song? It's Some Kind of Magick I think it may have been actually called

The other day I go to the library --where I practically live lately-- so I am there and they are having a book sale. I had half the books they were selling! I'm not even kidding. But more shocking is the former owner of all these books has my same old This book Belongs to label on it. I get chills. It's like visiting my own estate sale. I feel so sick I start to gag.

There is even Virginia Woolf's bio written by Bell! I wanted that for ages, I have all the others....!

But I am gagging

I'm physically sickened by the smell of the books because somehow the dankness smells.... like death

There are five books there I love.... a Greek philosophy one, a medieval history of England one and to throw another eerie spoke at me.....

I have to leave so I am running out of there

Bailey is waiting for me outside and he hands me the Vita garden book I forget to have gotten. I had it ordered from another library because I want to do sketches for Christa's garden. To get ideas from the master. As it must be because I am Orlando. But as the woman not the man. Hmmm.... weird

because ....I suppose of the connection to Avalon

Bailey is laughing

"No it's not funny!"

"You are so adorable when you defend your matriarchy!"

I kick his ass.

I really do.

But he is expecting that

He even smiles when I do and mocks me further,
"Is that the best you can do?"
But when I try, well

These are those magick times

When he takes my ankle I don't actually fall; with magick you freeze time so nobody sees this because they could not handle what they would be watching. It's funny, but I don't actually think about it anymore --I did at first when this was new but I was young and silly in those days

I never think about my magick; I don't think about using it.... I just do it. It's a kind of absent minded thing. Because of my ADHD; picture that on magick. Things can go out of control because I over estimate the slow down factor

Plus or minus

So as long as I don't hyper focus, it is, by far better; my waking brain is quite the moron. My sleeping brain....genius

Always amazes me when I can walk without hitting a wall

"You're an air head, Loki," Bailey is teasing me as he pulls me away from a wall, "or maybe you just need new glasses...."

"What ever happened to those days where I like never actually had to physically see you....every day???"

His look mocks irony,
"I was waiting for you to grow up.... and gave up."

"Faeries don't grow up; you should know better."

He smiles as if he is impressed; as if he is the credit for it!

"Good student!" He pats me on the back

We are walking by a cute guy who takes me for his own age because he grins at me, so I say,
"Thanks, Pops!" to Bailey for revenge as I smile up at the cute guy.

'He's too young for you,' but he-like- sings it

So annoying

'I didn't tell him to look at me!' I snap. Be it silently.

Anyway, I have given up on this; there are men in my life but.... I think I have always been aware of

....I cannot really discuss this

It is something I have never .... taken beyond my higher awareness to here

it is something I have kept away from

      on this ....level; this plain

'That is because.... it's never had to come up before.'

Themes of; Castles

Castled by Themes

....there is a break in the clouds and the universe opens up. Sudden; as clear as a sun washed shoreline; there. Yes, it has always been there; a horizon stretched wide and outlined in brilliant; a thin line of yellow-white-gold illumination. It is there traversed by a vertical;

 -like dark purple;

a line that goes up, and joined together there we see the unifying circle; it is like a symbol of peace; that embracing the perspectives

it is spoken


in swords of stone;

And without bells

Nor damnation

it is heard but sometimes it has been hidden in between.... symbols

And even the choir of the chanting as they echo off monastery walls

in between and not the word

it is rather said without

and heard if listened deftly for; deafly; defy

sometimes caught in the robes or the tears

not in the scent of the damp pages of testament


but before,
reached for and taken up; before hands move together as if

in prayer; just before drawn..... before the predetermined words rule the mind; and sometimes, yes, times of mourn; forlorn

as might ....looking up at the stained glass rose to gaze toward the light

even sacred despite the eyes of the incensed bishop....

watched; in study

And as knelt

To be escaped in flight high above the rafters; clean of judgement to which set free;

Like that dove, it flies from inward; upward; like a saint; a pixy there

before .....


The Wizard meets my gaze and smiles fluently a volume heavier than a stack of bibles

How did I never put it together before?

'You did-- it got edited, Electra, and you forgot where you left that torn page; forgot. Life gets busy....'

"It was not hidden so much as it was woven in the use of ....language --crippled, by intent, in translation. You have heard of the symbols carved in the standing stones too; there are codes and so you see this repeats like a Celtic, unbroken pattern," he sighs heavily

"It repeats."

'You don't need the books....'

There, over the incline we go as one thought and the temporal shifts; it shuffles through and again, again, in continuum


"It is so easy to get seduced by the style is a form of vanity.... and you know that it no longer holds the necessary meaning once that element has been added into the mix because the purpose then is only to bend in order to hold sway over free will of thought towards ....individual purpose,"

The wizard likes to go here with me after he has had his espresso

'Your silly friend says coffee is a drug,' the wizard Bailey smiles at me as he reaches in the grass for what appears to be a weed that grows like a minority in the field, "a bird dropped this you know what this is?"

The last of this sentence is all he has said aloud

it shuffles and the images flip through like pages of a magazine

I know. It was used in ritual millenniums ago because when mixed with sea salt it has a chemical reaction

The wizard smiles at me and I see him as he was and.... as I was

'They don't get it right, Loki!'

I look sharply at him and feel the tension between my brows, I look at his eyes as he sees my recognition. He says,


Into my mind

'There were some disgruntled Romans too,' Bailey nods now as a breeze cools our faces, 'Livy....  '

"You are playing with my mind again," and I don't mask my tone of irritable frustration.

"It's necessary."

"How? To me, it insults me!"

It is only a gentle deep throated grunt meant to sooth and coax me in order to allow him to proceed,

"You remembered being called that before you even knew it was their word for devil?"

This finds its mark for I had forgotten that. Why would I invent a knowledge never taught to me but easily found in published history?

'This has happened to you before,' he is standing close to me and his focus on me is intent. I feel the prick of anxiety sting my sweat glands and the jolt in my pulse.... he is right; this happens constantly and I have never been able to explain this in any logical way except upon suspended belief of ....other realms of possibilities....

How do I know
How could I gives me migraines to try to reach to grasp at why....

'Don't try, Loki,' he chuckles now.

"Must you call me that?"

"Electra then?"

I don't know who I am. What. Beth.... who is what

"Called Loki by a heathen people.... heathen....'heathen'? Who is heathen? The Pagans? The Christians?!"

"Why do you think it is good to end a life for a belief in a higher being? It's illogical...."

"Does this have anything to do with me or my purpose? Why do I have to discuss this, can we talk about something relevant? Like the green eyed warrior who 'is key to the past' according to you?"

"They are all keys, I'm trying to release your mind from this cage; this present.... its blinding you.....